I still have love for my past. Love dear, not just like.
Why is that happen? Well, the best reason is I am not a good example of people who are istiqamah in everything that they do. And I tend to react on situations, rather than being cool and let everything just go.
And I have lots of situations; well, everybody has. I'm not the only one suffering.
No, I ain't blaming anyone; just me. Just... how weak I am. How... fragile I am. Damn!! I ought not to be like that again.
One time, I dare to say, I don't want to be a Muslim anymore. Why is that? Because of people's expectations. I dare to quit studying because of people's expectation, before. Yeah, I'm at that level.
I can't make people shut their mouth. And I know, there is something wrong in here (sambil tekap dada); in my heart. I pray and pray a lot, please Allah, make me strong. I want to be a Muslim, I want to be a good person, because that's the way You will accept me.
I should just be deaf, so I can hear nothing. And heartless, so I can cool down each time everything comes upon me. But I can't.
Allah is testing me. I suppose to know that.
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