Isolated

Terasa macam isolated sekarang. Well, keadaan itu biasa, cuma perasaan itu yang berbeza. Selalunya aku tak kisah.

Dulu, aku lebihkan kawan-kawan. And I put aside my family. Boleh saja nak utamakan dua-dua. Tapi aku tak boleh. I will go to the ones who I am fancy being with. And now, dah terbalik. But I think, that is the best. Friends itu perlu. But family adalah pilihan utama. Plus I have someone yang betul-betul makes me happy dan orang itu buat aku sibuk selain daripada kerja.

I talked with Mak, tentang perkahwinan. She seemed ready to have menantu right now. Well, as long as bukan aku yang mulakan tradisi. I am happy adik aku kahwin dulu. So, my parents tak ada alasan lagi untuk tangguhkan perkahwinan kami. Let me see, dah 2 tahun tertangguh. Plus, kalau nak tunggu sampai habis degree, aku dah 27, dia 31. Terlalu tua amat.

Dan untuk dapatkan restu ibu bapa itu sangat susah bila apa yang kita inginkan tak memenuhi kriteria keinginan mereka. Kena amat sabar.
Kalau tak dapat nak mengubah mereka, ubahlah diri sendiri.

Risaukan Perkara Remeh-Remeh

Really, I appreciate all the times I am at home. Strengthening bond with my family members this time is the best since ten to 15 years back. Benarlah, manusia semakin dewasa, semakin matang. Yesterday, I was telling Kecik the stories about me, Mak, Angah, Dekli; years before. How were we used to be. And I realised, that I was very foolish. All the things that I did, the rebellions, arguments etc; they were childish things. Well, some arguments have good reasons, but all of us have change. And I think, I am having my best moments with them.

And one thing that made me realised, is when I observed Zakwan. He's going to secondary school, he thinks he is big enough now, getting angry at nonsense things, likes ordering people, etc. I think, I was like him. And when I see myself inside somebody else, I feel ashamed, I feel stupid, I feel that how wrong I was, and I regret it.

Reverts

I am always astonished when reading about reverts. Their experiences are not miracle at all, but of sweat and time and courage and patient.

Currently I am reading a blog of a revert. She reverted to Islam when she was 18, and that was just a bit more than a year ago. She is very strong, and brave of telling her parents about her reversion despite of the result of might be disowned by her own parents. Currently her mom is okay with that, but her father already disowned her. But she still trying to contact him whenever she can, just her father never pick up the phone.

I just came to the part of how she started to learn about Islam. And really, she read not just simple books, but also the Quran. And that was when she was at school and still not reverted. See, how many of us really read thoroughly the Quran? I mean read, not just reciting what is in it. Me myself never read that much. Maybe just less than half of it. And yet, I am older than her, and much longer being in Islam than her.