(My English is rusty. Pardon me. Haven't practise speaking or writing for months.)
I cannot sleep. And what in the world should I think of tidying up the room, to kill the time. I'm really turning into that kind of OCD person (in the Obsessive Cleaner show in Eve channel).
So, the room has been a disaster about 10 - 12 months ago since I turned it into an office, and a me-place, and a storeroom. It really has an office table, with a small notice board, a book-shelf and small plastic cabinets. But it also has a double-decker bed and a small wardrobe, since I live in a school quarters and they provide few basic furniture. I turned the bed as my daybed, and the wardrobe as the storage for unwanted things.
All this time I used the table as my sewing table, and it hasn't been cleaned since then. Well, it is quite difficult to really do the cleaning. I still cannot cope being a working housewife, and cleaning up really takes lots of time and energy. I wonder how the working housewives of 3 or 4 children manage to live their lives.
Frankly, it sucks to live like this. I mean, I love my job. I love being a mother. But I really cannot give all my heart to both. I feel exhausted. Not to mention the commitment to my husband. And the house..... too much dust, and lizards' feces. ...........not happy.
Sometimes, I think that I'm not ready to be an adult yet. Too much responsibility, too much burden, too many things to do. I miss my school days, my teenage years.
28. What a number. For some, I might be too young. I still have lots of things ahead. Yeah, maybe. I still want to further my study. Or maybe do a second degree, just for fun. Travel around the world (my husband shares this dream with me). Buy a piece of land near a stream, then build a small house just for the two of us.
I really need to be positive, just to go on each day stress-free. After having the baby, my stress level rises that I really think I have gone nuts, just like when I was in UK. I just need to be tougher this time.
What a life!