Monday 27 June 2011

Jadi Positif

Aku perasan juga, entri dalam blog ni selalu berbaur geram. Seperti blog ini satu medium untuk melepaskan amarah yang terpendam. Di sini anda boleh rumuskan bahawa sama ada:

1. Aku ni jenis tak sabar, selalu nak melenting.
2. Suasana di sekeliling aku memang sangat menduga jiwa dan perasaan.

Dan kedua-duanya benar. Aku pernah berkali-kali ditegur oleh orang-orang tersayang, agar kurangkan sikit perasaan nak marah itu. Well, easy said than done. Apa pun, aku dah kurangkan apa. Huhu...

Dan juga pernah ditegur untuk tidak fikir buruk tentang orang. Aku tidaklah fikir yang orang itu jahat ke, perangai tak elok ke. Aku cuma fikir yang aku ini terlalulah tidak sepatutnya berada di sini dan orang pasti tak senang dan tak suka aku ada dekat dengan mereka.

Itu 'penyakit' lama. Benda inilah yang selalu mengganggu emosi aku. Dan akhirnya, duduk dalam dunia sendiri dan bersendirian jugalah aku. Itu lebih menenangkan jiwa.

Susahnya nak jadi positif!

Sunday 26 June 2011

Pagi-Pagi Dah Naik Darah

Ahad. Pantri conform tak berair.

Isnin. Pantri blok lain dah berair. Tandas di sini dah kering.

Selasa. Orang lain senang nak mandi, buang air, basuh baju. Ya, pagi-pagi saat panggilan alam datang secara tiba-tiba sungguh menyesakkan dada. Sini? Pagi-pagi gendong baldi ke blok lain.

Rabu. Orang lain masih bersenang-lenang. Sini? Masih macam semalam. Mungkin pantri dah berair. Tapi tandas masih kering.

Khamis. Nikmat air dapat dirasai akhirnya.

Jumaat. Macam semalam. Aktiviti membasuh baju mula giat.

Sabtu. Seperti semalam juga.

Ahad. Pantri dah tak berair.

Aku tak kesal ada di sini. Tapi penghuni di sini seperti didikriminasikan. Apa kami ni bukan manusiakah?

Cara berjimat anda sangat memudahkan kami dan sangat terpuji.

Friday 24 June 2011

First Week of The New Semester is About WATER!!

Aku terjaga jam 1.20 pagi. Ke pantri, nak basuh muka. Air tak ada. Apakah?? Teringat baju yang perlu dibasuh; satu baldi dan separuh uncang laundry. Oh, tidak!!!

Kemudian ke bilik air, manalah tahu ada sisa-sisa air lagi. Pun tak ada. Aku mula rasa tak seronok. Nak merantau ke blok lain pagi-pagi buta ni bukan satu opsyen yang baik. Tapi bila pundi kencing pun terasa nyilu, maka dengan pesanan pada mata supaya jangan melilau sangat nanti, maka kuatkan azam merentas belakang blok yang agak sunyi dan gelap tu.

Masuk saja blok sebelah, gelap! Mereka ni tutup lampu koridor tu buat apa. Buat sesak dada saja sesiapa yang nak ke tandas pagi-pagi buta begini. Tapi air masih banyak lagi. Selesai qada' hajat, aku balik semula ke bilik.

Sedang asyik berfikir tentang baju yang perlu dibasuh, sama ada nak basuh tangan (banyak sangat kan, tak terbasuh dek tangan) ataupun nak bawa balik, perut mula memulas. Aku tengok jam, dah jam 2. Orang pun mesti dah tidur lena dan tak ada sesiapa pun yang berjaga. Oh, tidak! Kenapakah aku disiksa sebegini.

Hari pertama di sini, air dah mula tak ada. Sempat sampai Isnin saja. Kemudian air dah kering, sampailah semalam baru mula ada. Hari ni dah tak ada semula. Kami bayar ya untuk tinggal di sini. Jadi berilah kemudahan yang sepatutnya. Bila jadi macam ni, keinginan nak duduk di luar semacam berkobar-kobar.

Stress!!

Monday 20 June 2011

First Day Of The Fourth Semester

Wahhhhhh... sudah hampir separuh degree!! AlhamduliLlah.

Tadi balik dengan keadaan mamai. Paginya konon menanti 'drebar' tolong hantar ke TF untuk beli barang. Last-last aku yang tertidur, sampailah ke tengah hari. Well, beginilah kalau terpaksa ikut jadual orang, dan beginilah kalau tak diizinkan untuk pegang stereng.

Bangun, terus siap-siap packing. Dan bila dalam keadaan baru bangun tidur, ada jugalah yang tertinggal barang. Cadangnya malas nak balik Jumaat ni. Tapi, terpaksalah. Sungguh malas nak travel guna bas. Nak ke bandar tu yang susah.

Dan pagi nanti akan ada perhimpunan untuk taklimat jadual waktu. Dengar cerita, nak buat sistem 'block' menggantikan jadual waktu ala sekolah yang diamalkan di sini. Good, boleh balik dan masuk asrama kalau tertinggal barang tanpa perlu mendapatkan memo kebenaran dari HEP. Memudahkan kerja dan menjimatkan masa.
Dan, kalau kelas lambat mula, boleh datang lambat sikit. Tak perlulah nak bersesak-sesak dengan orang lain kalau nak mandi pun.

Itu, ura-ura. Detail tak tahulah. Biasalah. Sini agak weird sikit. Sistem disiplin ala sekolah sangat kuat sebab pentadbiran pun bekas-bekas cikgu. Tak macam universiti pun. Jadi, don't put your hope high.

Sekarang sangat teringin nak beli buku. Nak cari good novel pun susah. Elaun silalah masuk.

Saturday 18 June 2011

Exam Result

3.61. CGPA.

Well, I have nothing to complain. It increases from 3.5x to 3.61. Haha.. I laughed when I looked at the result. Macam tipu.

Anyway, friends from my batch are already finished their KPLI and will be posted around August. A friend told me, I am fortunate to have longer time to learn to be a teacher compared to them. So, ganbatte!! Life's not so bad even you are a bit left behind.

Yang penting, dapat ilmu. Dan dapat gunakan ilmu tu untuk kebaikan semua orang. Sharing is caring eh?

It's 4 in the morning. In about 3 hours, all of us (except Dekli) will be on our way to Seremban. Dan sekarang kepala tengah sakit.

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Last Week Of The Holiday

I'm confused, should I be happy or sad about that. Well, I really love staying at home. But staying at home without having a job to do, that's boring. So, I am excited to have something to do ie new semester but leaving home? Not so great, but still am excited. So, I really wish I will get married at the final year of my degree so I can stay at home (well, husband's home is yours too right?) and have some other commitment to do other than as a wife. Fuhh... sounds cool! Even I'm kind of hate it, I have to admit my way now is somehow a bit like an adult even if I'm not really fully 'transformed' into one.

Mak just now said something about my age, and when I heard that, I told her that I feel old when she spoke out the numbers. Oh, well. One might never think I'm that old. Don't worry. You are still young.

Anyway, Mak and Abah are going to Senawang (ke Seremban eh?) this Saturday for my cousin's engagement. My cousin's father asked Abah to be his spokesman for the engagement. At first, they want my parents to go with their car. But then Mak complained that she will not be comfortable to sit for hours 'politely' in the car, so she urged Abah to go with their own car. And hey, Kecik and me is going too! And I heard that Pak Jang wants to go too, and Pak Ngah, and I bet Mok Cik wants to go too (who wants to be left out?). I don't know. Having a big family is sure a nice thing.

And the most reason I want to go is because Mak said she wants to go to Nilai and of course I wont let go the opportunity to go shopping. Yes, shopping is the reason. Yay!!

And guess what, I'm reading!! I attempted to read this book several times. And it never succeeded. The title is Muqaddimah by Ibn Khaldun, translated one though, and I'm sure most of us know this book because it was mentioned when we learnt about the definition of civilization in History subject in Form 4. So, that is the very book I am trying to read. Wish me luck.

I just realized what I did this holiday. I am having my usual weird schedule. I sleep at 7 in the morning, I woke up around 3 pm, and stay awake until 7 am the next day. I made very small amount of bracelet, I ate, downloading songs, watch tv (especially Oprah and Top Chef), and sewing.

I almost finish sewing my baju kurung for the coming Eid, repairing over-sized baju kurung Mak and Mok Cik gave me (finished 3 still got 2 pairs to repair), and now am sewing Kecik's.

I browsed over some outfits, and was badly want to sew them. Pretty sad I am not that skillful. Someday, I might be able to. Practice makes perfect kan?

So it is Wednesday morning already. Good morning!

Saturday 11 June 2011

Upset Tummy

Terasa macam budak-budak bila perut sakit macam ni. I woke up very late dan lambat sangat makan. So, beginilah jadinya.

Well, kalau kat maktab pun perut sentiasa sakit juga. Perut sensitif. Makanan yang kurang bersih, selalunyalah. Boleh kata hampir setiap hari cirit birit. Hehe....

Anyway, nothing much to do today. I updated my new website. Just finishing the drafts. I uploaded 90% of the photos. But I just keep them in the drafts. Sebab malas nak buat banyak-banyak. Why the hurry?

Oh, I figured out the best way to wear pashmina that I am comfortable with dan tidak menyesakkan leher aku. Finally, for about a month of trials and error. Next is to try the same style with shawl. You know, most the the shawls are not too wide to cover the chest and give good coverage at the back. Currently, I have one which is a bit wider than the normal shawl. But it is see-through so I must have an inner too.

But, I'm not really going to wear shawl or pashmina all the time. I am still comfortable with square hijab. But sometimes, we want to wear something different kan?

Friday 10 June 2011

Opening New Website

I am in a construction of opening a new website in blogspot to sell my bracelets plus Mak's tudung. So, I am quite busy now. And I am making this without telling Mak, so it will be a bit surprise for her too. So far, several products' entries have been posted there, and am still working to post at least half before the end of next week.

So, if anyone wants to drop by, please, at this address langsirkalerbiru-artwork.blogspot.com.


Monday 6 June 2011

Berdosanya Aku

I was accidentally found out something I wish I should know. But the thing that I found out really bothers me as it is related to someone that I know and love so much.

And unfortunately, I found myself to be so weak to go face to face to that person and talk. It's just because I committed the same thing, and I am still finding it is too hard to maintain myself restraining from committing that very thing, and now to talk about the same matter to another person?

You know, nobody is perfect. We want to perfecting ourselves. And some don't really care about that. Life's short, should enjoy them while you're still young, I'm not that goody-goody type of person so what?, and many more 'excuses' that are used to denying the fact that we did something wrong.

And in this modern world, everything seems to be have no limit. Everything. And it scares me because I am a kind of person who actually doesn't care.

And then I came across these verses in Surah Al-Furqan, their meanings are:
dan orang-orang yang tidak mempersekutukan Allah dengan sembahan yang lain dan tidak membunuh orang yang diharamkan Allah kecuali dengan (alasan) yang benar, dan tidak berzina; dan barang siapa yang melakukan demikian itu, nescaya dia mendapat hukuman yang berat, (68)
(yakni) akan dilipatgandakan azab untuknya pada hari kiamat dan dia akan kekal dalam azab itu, dalam keadaan terhina, (69)
kecuali orang-orang yang bertaubat dan beriman dan mengerjakan kebajikan; maka kejahatan mereka diganti Allah dengan kebaikan. Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang. (70)


Reading the meaning of the verses, suddenly makes me cry. I felt like all the burdens that are crushing me, lifted. I felt..... Allah is so great. I always feel there is no hope for me to pay back of what I've done before. I felt helpless. I know He is the Most Forgiving, but a large lump inside me still doubting, because I know I am not truly turning over a new leaf. I still have the bad habits from the past which I still cannot get rid, and I am weak. I am very weak when it concern with feeling, wants and emotion.

And another thing that hits me, of how I am trying hard; not to skip prayers, read the Quran regularly, not to speak too much, do something that can make me forget about what-not, wear appropriately, and whatever I can do to make me close to Him to stop me to do the same thing over and aver again, but I'm not 100% success in doing so.

And what if another people who doesn't even have that sinful feeling, and doesn't really practicing religion faithfully; what should we do? What should I do?

And I don't know. I need to talk to someone. I really need to.

Saturday 4 June 2011

Picnic!!

I was planning to go out on a date with Abang today, since several months before. But last minute, Abah suggested to have a picnic together. And today, when I was cooking, Mak told me that the whole big family is coming too! What a big picnic it will be!

So, today I was making ala-beriani rice, tandoori chicken and dalca. Mak then added rice, fish, nuggets and fries.

picnic..!!!

Okay, di atas tu ada gambar dari picnic kami tadi. Sangat seronok dan sangat sejuk. And I was having so much fun. Dah lama sangat tak mandi sungai, dan picnic beramai-ramai macam tadi, tambah lagi seronok.

Harap next time lagi boleh picnic, makan-makan ramai-ramai macam dulu.

Family is great!!