Wednesday, 28 June 2017

Blog; does it still relevant?

So, I've been blogging for more than 10 years, on and off. During early years of my blog, most people don't have easy access to internet thus not many people read my blog. Moreover if you write in Malay. After few years, internet was a big hit and many people started to blog and read blogs. But now, people rely more on social media and blog is something ancient. A few early social media platforms also have vanished; my space, friendster and multiply to name a few. I also remembered imeem (if I'm not mistaken), a web that I used to stream songs, mostly rock and metal songs.

Internet used to be dialed. You disconnect your home telephone line and connect it to your bulky computer, dial and wait. The speed was quite okay, since it wasn't the day where you have to hurry on everything. I remembered the first thing I do online; searching for information on Neil Bohr, using MSN. My English was really bad during that period (it is still bad now though). I was just learnt about him during my chemistry lesson, so I thought, why not find out more about him. I was foolish and too ambitious; I don't understand a thing and quite disappointed actually.

But now, everything is just at the tip of your fingers. And everything should be fast, lightning fast. Many people rely on likes, retweets, shares, followers and all. More people is shopping online (oh how I miss ASDA). Our working hours have been extended unofficially because of data needs to be uploaded in systems that are not jammed only at 3 in the morning, or tasks given just before bedtime via whatsapp and need to be handed out first thing in the morning. And surprisingly, I managed to write entry while nursing my baby to bed. The power of technology, eh?

Back to the title of the entry, is blog still relevant? In my opinion, no. I've seen many people who can read but still remain unliterate, because they can't understand the message given in what they have read. Many people tend to judge, causing learning through reading difficult to achieve. Even writings by those who are qualified such as doctors and scholars are criticised by readers, but sellers selling bogus products are believed more.

I just want to conclude, owning such a good phone and speedy internet does not meant you own the world. The other side that is reading things that you write has feelings too. Back in the days, people think before they write. But now, we write faster than we speak, and faster than we think. Each blog entry is evidently written for days before it is posted, as writers tend to refine their writing before it goes online. So, I believe such an adult as we are, we should be responsible on what we write as we do when we speak.

Friday, 24 March 2017

Filetting My Fish

It is not common in Malaysia to filet your fish. Malaysians usually cook their fish wholly for small and average sized fish like sardines, or in large chunks together with the bones and heads like sea basses. Since I have a toddler, I found out it is easier to filet my fish to avoid her choking from the small fish bones. It is a very tedious job, as if I don't have anything else to do, but for the love of that fish lover lass, I filet the fish most of the time.

So, one day I decided to just fried some average sized mackerels for lunch. And as it was almost 1 o'clock, I thought maybe I'll just filet one fish for my daughter and fry the rest wholly. That'll save looooooooooottttttss of time and perhaps lunch will be ready by the time my husband come home from his work.

And lunch was served, yada yada and I put the filetted fish onto my daughter's plate. She munched a bit, put it back onto her plate, and reached for the wholly-fried fish and finished one. I was like, 'I spent my time and energy to filet that ONE fish for you, and this what you do to me?' And now I realised pain I did to my mom by not eating her cooking for several times because of the time rush, and a few times because she cooked food I don't eat (that can cause me ill). Sorry Mak...and not sorry.

Moral of the story, cook the same food; your food and your kid's food or you'll fall into frustration as I did. And always make a sambal to the side to spice up the food without having to cook twice.

This is one of the dilemmas of a mother with a toddler.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

You Are What You Wear?

This entry is about a small thing that keeps bothering me for some time. It's about outfit. It is very tedious, yes. But sometimes I do think a lot about meaningless things that at times I do missed out the bigger picture, in this case, who do I really want to impress by wearing such outfit?

So, it all began about 10 years ago, when I don't really mind what clothes I need to wear. I was a simple girl. A pair of jeans and a t-shirt will do, in almost any occasion. I wore those everyday, even at home. If I need to go out, I just slipped a tudung, usually black, and at times just skipped that. So, it was easy back then.

After some years, I realised I need to change. As a Muslim woman, you have a dress code that you have to obliged. It is a must. Then, the dilemma began. Wearing long sleeve t-shirt was somewhat uncomfortable that I had constant urge to fold the sleeves up to the middle of my arms. And making sure the length of the t-shirt is wayyyyyy below your bottom, is also a problem to me. It was not cool, not trendy. And most of the t-shirts have cute pattern and all, and I was against cute outfit as I dressed as a rock and metal girl previously.

The main question is, why did I do this in the first place? At times, I did had this feeling of holier-than-thou. Yeah, I dressed to impress others. And that was why I reverted to my old self, actually worst than before.

So, after several ups and downs in life, I looked back and I found out I still not dress as I prefer. It was more to favour others rather than Allah.

No, I'm not going to wear niqab or big bulky black jubah. Not my way. I don't mind anyone who wear those. It's their choice. I even ditched my 'tudung labuh' as I realised I wore those to impress other people. I will just wear anything as long as it agrees the dress code. And most of the time, I'm happy with it.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Penangan Didi and Friends

Demam Didi and Friends ni memang melanda budak-budak dalam lingkungan setahun sampailah 9,10 tahun. Aku ni kira tertinggal keretapi jugalah. Alah, anak baru pandai bercakap. Nak tengok itulah, inilah. Program ni adalah salah satu daripada benda yang anak aku akan minta nak tengok hari-hari. Ada bagusnya lagu-lagu dalam Didi and Friends ni. Banyak 'moral values' yang disampaikan melalui lagunya. Oleh sebab itu, aku bersetuju program pendidikan macam ni. Cuma ada masalah di peringkat pengguna. Pendapat aku ni peribadi sahaja. Dan cara untuk atasinya tak selalu aku laksanakan sebab kekangan masa dan tenaga. Aku pun budak lagi. Sedikit sebanyak bolehlah nak kawal sikit daripada tak terkawal langsung.

Pertama, masalah berkaitan dengan gajet dan TV. Umum tahu kesan negatif penggunaan gajet dan TV kepada kanak-kanak. Maka, apa yang aku buat adalah dengan ajak anak berborak tentang lagu tu. Contohnya, aku ulang semula 'moral values' yang disampaikan dalam lagu tu dan minta anak bersetuju walaupun dia tak faham pun apa yang kita cakap. Selain tu, aku juga tanya anak, "Didi pakai baju warna apa ye?" Masa dia tak pandai cakap dulu, aku sebut je Didi pakai baju warna biru, Nana ada pakai reben, Jojo pakai cermin mata dan macam-macam lagi. Sekarang ni bila dia dah pandai cakap, dia ulas apa yang dia tengok dan ajak aku borak sekali. Oleh itu, memang kurang berkesempatan aku nak buat benda lain. Bosan juga sebenarnya. Dan penat. Pernah sampai sakit-sakit kepala melayan dia punya soalan. Dan hari-hari tengok Didi & Friends. Sampai aku pun boleh hafal hampir semua lagu Didi ni. Suami aku pun.

Kedua, screen time. Memang kena kawal masa anak-anak dengan skrin. Bahagian ni agak 'fail' bagi kami sebab suami aku ni jenis mudah 'absorbed' dalam benda berskrin ni sampai tak sedar masa berlalu. 'Rules' aku sekali saja tengok untuk sehari. Kalau dah tengok siang, malam tak boleh tengok. Dan sebaliknya. Aku buat macam perjanjian dengan anak, walaupun dia kata 'okay' tanpa faham apa-apa. Mula-mula memang mengamuk anak bila aku buat 'rules' macam ni. Mak aku kalah betul bila cucu dia mengamuk menangis-nangis. Mujur aku jenis tegas sikit. Lantak kaulah nak menangis ke apa. Kena 'firm' dengan peraturan yang dah ditetapkan. Kalau tak, lain kali dia tak ikut dah.

'Point' ketiga ni lebih kepada nilai budaya dan sastera. Banyak lagu yang digunakan adalah lagu rakyat dan 'nursery rhymes'. Bila lirik lagu rakyat dan 'nursery rhymes' diubah, rasa seperti sedikit sebanyak nilai budaya dan sastera dihakis daripada generasi masa hadapan. Kadang-kadang, bila balik rumah Mak aku contohnya, Mak aku akan nyanyi ikut lirik asal dan anak aku akan marah bila tak sama dengan apa yang dia pernah dengar (dan hafal!). Aku tak ada lagi cara untuk memperkenalkan lirik yang sebenarnya pada anak aku. Biarlah dulu. Cuma bila dia besar nanti mungkin akan jadi satu kejutan pada dia. Bagus juga. Kalau 'curiosity' dia tinggi, mungkin dia akan rajin cari maklumat dan mengkaji. Kalau dia ada minat. Kalau tak ada, alamatnya boleh lenyap lagu-lagu rakyat ni sebab Didi and Friends ni ramai peminat, satu fenomena yang hebat di Malaysia. Jadi generasi akan datang tak tahu lagu rakyat yang asal.

 Kesimpulannya, semua benda ada baik dan ada buruknya termasuklah benda-benda 'simple' macam ni. Aku bukan nak burukkan program ni. Aku pun suka sebab aku boleh nampak satu lagi sisi anak aku yang lain iaitu minat terhadap muzik, macam aku juga. Aku boleh nampak anak aku cepat menghafal, boleh menyebut perkataan dengan betul, kenal binatang dan objek. Dia pun boleh menyanyi ikut melodi yang betul. Tapi macam aku cakap tadi, kena kawallah. Too much of a good thing can be bad for you.

Kan?

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

Penatnya Jadi Mak

Aku baru ada dua anak. Tak sampai dua bulan. Punyalah penat. Kalau ikutkan badan, kepala otak logik aku, memang rasa nak marah dan tertekan. Dapat berehat pun sebab Mak tolong jaga anak yang sulung, suami jaga anak kedua. Macam sekarang ni, suami aku jagakan anak kedua sebab aku dah stress. Perlu buat sesuatu untuk bagi lega sikit, untuk bagi 'happy'. Takkan nak guna 'drugs' kan?

Lepas pantang, aku cuba buat kerja rumah sikit-sikit. Dalam rumah Mak aku, ada Mak, Abah, adik dua orang, anak adik. Ramai orang. Tapi masing-masing buat kerjalah. Makanya kerja rumah sikit sangat kalau aku buat pun. Pun aku dah terbaring kepenatan.
Perkara ni buat aku terfikir berkali-kali; macam mana aku nak 'survive' bila balik rumah sendiri nanti? Mampu ke aku nak uruskan rumah dan anak-anak dengan suami saja? Kalau suami aku kerja, aku nak kena buat sendiri; larat ke? Dah kerja nanti macam mana pula?

Belum buat, dah fikir negatif. Bukan apa. Takut. Takut tak mampu nak pikul tanggungjawab tu. Walaupun sebelum kahwin, dah tahu apa yang akan aku hadapi terutama bila dah ada anak. Tapi rupanya banyak benda yang aku tak tahu, dan pengetahuan berdasarkan pengalaman itu lebih memberi kesan berbanding tahu teori dan dengar cerita daripada pengalaman orang lain. Lain anak, lain kisahnya, lain masalahnya, lain pendekatanannya, lain penyelesaiannya.

Dalam kepenatan buaikan dan dodoikan anak, aku pernah beritahu suami aku, dengan nada 'you-have-to-agree-with-this-fullstop', "Anak ketiga nanti tunggu empat-lima tahun lagilah".
Dan dia senyap tak cakap apa-apa. Tidur dah rupanya.

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Senyap Macam Kat Kubor

Sekarang zaman media sosial. Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Whatsapp, Wechat, whatnot.. Makanya, medium yang membabitkan penulisan panjang lebar seperti blog ni dah dipandang sepi oleh kebanyakan orang, termasuklah oleh si penulis itu sendiri.

Nak justify juga kenapa aku dah tak banyak menulis. Hanya untuk coretan sendiri.

Aku perasan sekarang ini aku bukan sahaja kurang melibatkan diri dengan komunikasi di alam maya, malahan di alam nyata. Antara sebabnya adalah untuk mengelakkan diri daripada mengatakan sesuatu secara kurang berhemah. Aku bukannya pandai nak berlapik sangat. Makanya, daripada ada orang makan hati, diam saja sudah. TAPI keburukannya ialah, aku juga gagal membendung orang-orang daripada terjebak ke kancah yang menyesatkan.
Sebagai contoh, ada orang beritahu aku jangan makan kek jenama A ni. Sebabnya ada persatuan P yang menjaga kebajikan orang-orang Islam ni kata ada unsur babi dalam kek ni. Aku senyap saja sambil aku yang dalam pemikiran ni tengah menggaru kepala. Ada tanda halal mehhhhh... So, JAKIM certified-lah kiranya kek ni. Banyak kali juga benda yang sama dipesan, dan dengan produk-produk yang lain juga. Aku malas nak ambil pusing sebab tahu sudah persatuan tersebut memang banyak claim produk itu ini ada unsur babi walaupun produk tu halal. Kau orang pun tahu persatuan apa.
Kancah kesesatan yang terlibat ialah penyebaran berita-berita palsu yang boleh mengganggu gugat iman. Sebabnya kesan yang jelas dan nyata, orang tersebut sentiasa dalam was-was dan keterlaluan dalam mengamalkan agama. Boleh menyebabkan orang di sekelilingnya stress juga, hahaha. Kancah kesesatan yang lain ialah betapa mudahnya seseorang menerima apa yang disogokkan sehingga hilangnya amalan mengkaji kesahihan sebelum mengambil claim tersebut sebagai sesuatu yang boleh dipegang. Baca malas, mengkaji tak pandai, asyik kena suap saja. Kalau ikut kepala sendiri, tampal pad pada penutup tangki pun boleh percaya menjimatkan minyak. Sebab itu Islam suruh kita CARI ilmu, BERGURU pada mereka yang ARIF DALAM BIDANG tersebut.

Aku lihat ramai yang terjebak dengan benda-benda yang salah bila keterlaluan sangat 'mensosialkan diri' di media sosial. Aku pun nyaris juga terkesan sebab rajin sangat nak baca confessions. Cerita pekung suami isteri ni, dalam tahun lepas tak berapa hebat sangat. Sekarang ni menjadi-jadi. Katanya untuk pedoman orang lain. Perempuan ni memang ada instict bab suami. Tapi bila disogokkan cerita laki curang bini curang 3 kali sehari semalam, tiap-tiap hari, mau juga ter-trigger instict tu.
Senyap-senyap sudah. Ada problem dengan laki, bincang dengan dia. Tak jalan, bincang dengan keluarga. Kalau tak settle dan boleh menyebabkan kita akan derhaka dengan dia, berpisahlah secara baik. Bukan pung pang dalam media sosial. Memang boleh settle. Tapi satu pakej dengan malu la.

Tak tambah lagi dengan orang yang konon bijak. Cerita pung pang air alkali ni boleh ubatkan kanser. 'Kucing kepada nenek kepada ex kepada abang aku dulu ada kanser testis tahap 5 tapi bila amalkan air ni boleh sembuh.' Chaiiiittttt!!! Bila tanya bukti, tunjuk testimoni. Apa kes? Tunjuk surat doktor la dey. Nak berhujah google saja. Mana kredibiliti kau orang sebagai manusia? Orang yang tertariknya adalah orang yang TAK MAHU perawatan di hospital sebab tak sanggup dah ulang-alik banyak kali nak jumpa doktor, buat chemo bagai, kena tahan wad sentiasa. Makanya dah pastilah pesakit tu nak consume air tu walaupun terpaksa bayar mahal gila untuk mesinnya. Minum air saja, mudah. Duduk rumah saja tak perlu nak susah-susah. Sudahnya, duit melayang, ubat dan rawatan tinggal, nyawa pun go sekali.

Bila ada orang-orang sekeliling kau, yang terlibat dengan kancah-kancah kesesatan seperti di atas ini, kau rasa patut kau tegur ke tidak? Kalau tak cakap, bertambah parahlah. Kalau kau cakap, bergaduhlah bermasam muka.
.
Aku ni dah lama sangat diamnya. Aku rasa patut aku bercakaplah. Nak maki, makilah. Aku pun bukannya baik sangat. Kau orang maki, aku bengang juga. Tapi lepas tu baru aku fikir balik. Haha...
Aku pun manusia juga beb.

Satu hal lagi, aku ni suka perbincangan. Kalau aku berborak rancak, banyak juga benda yang orang tak berapa nak layan. Contohnya, aku dengan laki aku pernah borak pasal biofuel siap google tentang fatty acids, reactions penghasilan biofuel ni bagai, Benda lain yang biasa kami borak adalah tentang kereta (enjin, gear, sistem tayar, etc), military machines, politics (of course!), economy (yang buat aku review semula benda yang aku belajar masa A-level dulu yang aku tak berapa faham sebab asyik ponteng kelas saja), tentang bahasa (BI dan BM, ada sikit-sikit Arab), food and how it affects our health and behaviour, dan macam-macam lagilah. Berapa kerat sangatlah orang yang aku boleh borak benda macam ni yang ada dekat-dekat aku. Sebab tu aku banyak diam. Nak borak sikit-sikit bolehlah.

Kesimpulannya, diam itu baik, berkata-kata itu pun baik. Gunakanlah sebaiknya.

Friday, 10 June 2016

First Week of Ramadhan 2016

This first week is not the easiest, maybe the worst I ever had in my life. 8 weeks pregnant, a toddler, and nauseous most of the time, I hope I'm never pregnant. What a thought! I know, it's wrong to blame others of the bad things that happen to you. But that's what I feel, and I wish I don't.

So, I spent 2 weeks in my mom's house. She helped me a lot in taking care of my daughter, and I didn't do almost anything because I really don't have much energy to do anything. I cannot eat much because of morning sickness, plus fasting, breastfeeding-I'm totally out of energy by 5pm,everyday. And now I have to depend on pills to avoid me from vomitting.

When I think back, I whine a lot. At times, people cannot really keep quite of what they have to face each day. At times, people need to talk about the pain they feel, so the stress can be released and they can go on with life.
Yes, I whine a lot.

Monday, 27 July 2015

Tidying Up A Room..At 3 In The Morning..

(My English is rusty. Pardon me. Haven't practise speaking or writing for months.)

I cannot sleep. And what in the world should I think of tidying up the room, to kill the time. I'm really turning into that kind of OCD person (in the Obsessive Cleaner show in Eve channel).

So, the room has been a disaster about 10 - 12 months ago since I turned it into an office, and a me-place, and a storeroom. It really has an office table, with a small notice board, a book-shelf and small plastic cabinets. But it also has a double-decker bed and a small wardrobe, since I live in a school quarters and they provide few basic furniture. I turned the bed as my daybed, and the wardrobe as the storage for unwanted things.

All this time I used the table as my sewing table, and it hasn't been cleaned since then. Well, it is quite difficult to really do the cleaning. I still cannot cope being a working housewife, and cleaning up really takes lots of time and energy. I wonder how the working housewives of  3 or 4 children manage to live their lives.

Frankly, it sucks to live like this. I mean, I love my job. I love being a mother. But I really cannot give all my heart to both. I feel exhausted. Not to mention the commitment to my husband. And the house..... too much dust, and lizards' feces. ...........not happy.

Sometimes, I think that I'm not ready to be an adult yet. Too much responsibility, too much burden, too many things to do. I miss my school days, my teenage years.
28. What a number. For some, I might be too young. I still have lots of things ahead. Yeah, maybe. I still want to further my study. Or maybe do a second degree, just for fun. Travel around the world (my husband shares this dream with me). Buy a piece of land near a stream, then build a small house just for the two of us.

I really need to be positive, just to go on each day stress-free. After having the baby, my stress level rises that I really think I have gone nuts, just like when I was in UK. I just need to be tougher this time.

What a life!