Semalam, aku teringat my birthday cake I made myself, last year. Rasa macam ada post satu entri dalam blog, tapi tak ingat blog mana. So, aku cari guna Picasa, and rupa-rupanya dalam blog ni. But then, aku dah delete. Memang banyak sangat entri yang aku dah delete. Sayang pula rasa sebab kenangan semua tu. Masa delete tu memang tak rasa apa. Even the stupidest entry pun, semuanya kenangan.
Well, dulu aku jenis tak boleh nak terima kenyataan dan asyik fikir nak lari dari semua orang atau just go to hell. That's why dah hundreds of blog entries being deleted.
But then I found some I wrote last year before I went back to Malaysia, which are in Multiply.
As now I am working to rip my cassettes (yang selalunya bertahan sekejap saja sebab kaset dah nak jahanam), and I think I need to go back to Multiply where everything in my life happens there, aku akan rehat sekejap dari Blogspot ni. Sekejap mana tak tahulah. Mungkin sehari dua, mungkin sebulan, years etc. I don't know.
Go back to where you're come from.
Monday 28 June 2010
First Day
Tidur. Period pain.
Balik kelas. Sambung tidur.
As I opened my email, I saw this face yang dah lama aku tak contact. Is a friend, dikenali di Lagendarock Online. Baru berumur 18 tahun. I think we know each other when I was 19. That was, 4 years ago. Wow, lama juga ye.
Well, he used to tell me he wants to be a music teacher. I said, good. Because he knows music well, and he can play guitar expertly.
And when I saw the KPLSPM list Ija asked me to print, I just wonder, how is he right now. I just hope he'll get what he dreamt of, and hope we'll meet someday.
Okay, another mumbling about the first day. Penat. And I never think any lecturer will come and teach. But one did showed up. Good, I was bored to death. And seems it will be a nice semester with chemistry. Last time I learnt chemistry was in college but just for a while before I dropped the subject. And I didn't do well in SPM either, so might be tough for me.
Selamat datang semester kedua.
Balik kelas. Sambung tidur.
As I opened my email, I saw this face yang dah lama aku tak contact. Is a friend, dikenali di Lagendarock Online. Baru berumur 18 tahun. I think we know each other when I was 19. That was, 4 years ago. Wow, lama juga ye.
Well, he used to tell me he wants to be a music teacher. I said, good. Because he knows music well, and he can play guitar expertly.
And when I saw the KPLSPM list Ija asked me to print, I just wonder, how is he right now. I just hope he'll get what he dreamt of, and hope we'll meet someday.
Okay, another mumbling about the first day. Penat. And I never think any lecturer will come and teach. But one did showed up. Good, I was bored to death. And seems it will be a nice semester with chemistry. Last time I learnt chemistry was in college but just for a while before I dropped the subject. And I didn't do well in SPM either, so might be tough for me.
Selamat datang semester kedua.
2 AM
Sudah tidur tadi. Lepas Isyak. Sangat penat mengemas. Dan tak siap pun lagi.
I just wish I already finish my study, am working, already married and got a son. That is everyday dream, but the number of children increases each year.
I chatted with Yan yesterday. She will return to Malaysia on 20th July, so as Husna. And will go to the maktab at Johor in August. I told her about the hectic life they'll have, and she told me she already been warned by our seniors. But they'll be in maktab only for a year. And they'll start working right away. That will be next year, and next year I will be in my second year. Great........
Kadang-kadang rasa menyesal balik semula ke sini bila tengok kawan-kawan all are in their last semester. Well, some already work and getting married and got children and car and house etc. Not that I want to say their life is much happier or easier, but everyone got a target. And I am left behind.
Well, need to accept everything positively. As I told Yan yesterday, 'it's okay cause I will go out to work when I am matured enough to face the possibilities, plus I will already called 'puan' when I start working.'
Weird enough, aku rasa impian jangka pendek aku dari dulu lagi adalah untuk kahwin semasa belajar. Mungkin sebab all this time I just want to stay at home, jaga laki and anak and watch them grow. That, I consider, is the best thing in life. Since I was too young before to get married, I don't think my parents will say no for the next few years.
I think I'm obsess in getting married. Haihhh...
I just wish I already finish my study, am working, already married and got a son. That is everyday dream, but the number of children increases each year.
I chatted with Yan yesterday. She will return to Malaysia on 20th July, so as Husna. And will go to the maktab at Johor in August. I told her about the hectic life they'll have, and she told me she already been warned by our seniors. But they'll be in maktab only for a year. And they'll start working right away. That will be next year, and next year I will be in my second year. Great........
Kadang-kadang rasa menyesal balik semula ke sini bila tengok kawan-kawan all are in their last semester. Well, some already work and getting married and got children and car and house etc. Not that I want to say their life is much happier or easier, but everyone got a target. And I am left behind.
Well, need to accept everything positively. As I told Yan yesterday, 'it's okay cause I will go out to work when I am matured enough to face the possibilities, plus I will already called 'puan' when I start working.'
Weird enough, aku rasa impian jangka pendek aku dari dulu lagi adalah untuk kahwin semasa belajar. Mungkin sebab all this time I just want to stay at home, jaga laki and anak and watch them grow. That, I consider, is the best thing in life. Since I was too young before to get married, I don't think my parents will say no for the next few years.
I think I'm obsess in getting married. Haihhh...
Sunday 27 June 2010
Last Day Of The Holiday
I am waiting for Kecik to cry tomorrow!! Hehehe... surely I am going to miss her.
Well, many plans planned had not worked out. But everyday was like heaven. I rest enough. After this, it's time to work.
I told Abang, 'What if I bought you a motorcycle and let me borrow your car?' He just laughed. I know the answer will be no. And his sisters will talk a lot about that. I don't know why, I feel uncomfortable with his family, other than his mom. Well, I rarely talk, they too. It feels weird. But as long as they accept me as their family, everything is okay even if they don't really like me.
Angah will be come back to Semenanjung this coming July. And he'll stay at Bentong at once. Great!! I like having my family around. But I heard my mom saying he's applying to go to Lebanon. I was like, no way!! It will be cool. But he will not be here. And Dekli is going to go to Terengganu to find a job. I don't know whether than is a good thing or not. Finding a job is a good thing. But going far from home, is not something to be relaxed. Mom is not someone who can stay still when her children are an inch far away from her. That happens, a lot.
Well, just hope everything will be okay, everyone will get what they are working at, etc. Let's work it out!!
Well, many plans planned had not worked out. But everyday was like heaven. I rest enough. After this, it's time to work.
I told Abang, 'What if I bought you a motorcycle and let me borrow your car?' He just laughed. I know the answer will be no. And his sisters will talk a lot about that. I don't know why, I feel uncomfortable with his family, other than his mom. Well, I rarely talk, they too. It feels weird. But as long as they accept me as their family, everything is okay even if they don't really like me.
Angah will be come back to Semenanjung this coming July. And he'll stay at Bentong at once. Great!! I like having my family around. But I heard my mom saying he's applying to go to Lebanon. I was like, no way!! It will be cool. But he will not be here. And Dekli is going to go to Terengganu to find a job. I don't know whether than is a good thing or not. Finding a job is a good thing. But going far from home, is not something to be relaxed. Mom is not someone who can stay still when her children are an inch far away from her. That happens, a lot.
Well, just hope everything will be okay, everyone will get what they are working at, etc. Let's work it out!!
Wednesday 23 June 2010
I Want A Long Skirt
It's the series of the previous post. I've been browsing for hundreds of skirt photos. And I am totally madly wanting some long skirts. I have some blouse to wear them with.
I got a tip from a style website for Muslimah. If the top you are wearing a bit short, you can wear a loose skirt instead of pants or jeans.
Guess I still have around a hundred ringgit for shopping.
I got a tip from a style website for Muslimah. If the top you are wearing a bit short, you can wear a loose skirt instead of pants or jeans.
Guess I still have around a hundred ringgit for shopping.
Online Shopping
I looooooooooovvvvvvvveeeeeee online shopping, very much.
And of course I love shopping. Well, I'm a woman.
Sangat geram tengok gambar-gambar tu. But then, kena consider about the exchange rate, amount of money in the bank, dan keperluan. Well, actually keperluan tu yang kena letak nombor satu.
And of course I love shopping. Well, I'm a woman.
Sangat geram tengok gambar-gambar tu. But then, kena consider about the exchange rate, amount of money in the bank, dan keperluan. Well, actually keperluan tu yang kena letak nombor satu.
Tuesday 22 June 2010
Old Friend
Ini entri untuk Salehah Mohamed Ali.
Gila rindu kat ko.
* Was my best friend yang super kamceng in school. Let see.... about 9 years tak jumpa. Baru tadi dia add as friend in Facebook.
Gila rindu kat ko.
* Was my best friend yang super kamceng in school. Let see.... about 9 years tak jumpa. Baru tadi dia add as friend in Facebook.
Sunday 20 June 2010
Sometimes, I Hate Being A Teacher
Firstly, patient and I never be friends.
Secondly, I hate teaching anyone out of my interest.
Thirdly, I feel annoyance with teaching some person who want to know everything in a short time without trying to try, just want me to sit and watch them all the time.
If I can, I want to be more patient AND learn to say no. I mean, more straight in words.
I don't want to lie too much just to make others feel okay while I am not.
Now I am stuck in a position whether I need to lie or let me hurt.
Sometimes, I really hate internet and business so much.
Secondly, I hate teaching anyone out of my interest.
Thirdly, I feel annoyance with teaching some person who want to know everything in a short time without trying to try, just want me to sit and watch them all the time.
If I can, I want to be more patient AND learn to say no. I mean, more straight in words.
I don't want to lie too much just to make others feel okay while I am not.
Now I am stuck in a position whether I need to lie or let me hurt.
Sometimes, I really hate internet and business so much.
Thursday 17 June 2010
Satu Persatu
Okay, aku baru dapat tahu member se-batch masa sekolah dulu, berkahwin minggu lepas. Tahniah pada Diana dan suami.
Well, I'm not invited, as usual. Dah memang lost contact, dan memang masa sekolah dulu tak rapat pun dengan dia. Pernah bercakap beberapa kali saja kot.
Sebenarnya, rasa sedih nak ke walimah ni. Entahlah, sepatutnya gembira. Memang gembira tu ada, tapi bila fikir, sedih tu datang.
Ayat 'aku sepatutnya dah lama kahwin' tu, rasanya terngiang-ngiang selalu. Memang duit sangat penting dalam hidup ni. To get what we want, we need to work out the way to get money to get what we want.
Well, anggap saja rezeki itu ditangguhkan hingga tiba masa yang sesuai yang Allah dah tetapkan. Just.... be okay.
Anyway, I am happy for my friends yang dah pun mendirikan rumah tangga (dan yang dah menimang anak). Semoga bahagia hingga ke syurga. (^_^)
Well, I'm not invited, as usual. Dah memang lost contact, dan memang masa sekolah dulu tak rapat pun dengan dia. Pernah bercakap beberapa kali saja kot.
Sebenarnya, rasa sedih nak ke walimah ni. Entahlah, sepatutnya gembira. Memang gembira tu ada, tapi bila fikir, sedih tu datang.
Ayat 'aku sepatutnya dah lama kahwin' tu, rasanya terngiang-ngiang selalu. Memang duit sangat penting dalam hidup ni. To get what we want, we need to work out the way to get money to get what we want.
Well, anggap saja rezeki itu ditangguhkan hingga tiba masa yang sesuai yang Allah dah tetapkan. Just.... be okay.
Anyway, I am happy for my friends yang dah pun mendirikan rumah tangga (dan yang dah menimang anak). Semoga bahagia hingga ke syurga. (^_^)
Tuesday 15 June 2010
Lari
Selalu aku cuba lari dari masalah. Contohnya, semasa di Matrikulasi, aku sangat bersyukur dapat tawaran dari tempat lain semata-mata tak mahu mengambil subjek 'kewarganegaraan'. Pada aku, itu subjek mengarut. Ada juga subjek yang berkenaan etika, kalau tak salah aku juga. Tentang cara pemakaian, etika di meja makan, etc. Pada aku, subjek itu juga mengarut.
Bila usia meningkat, aku mula memahami berbagai sebab atas sesuatu kejadian yang berlaku di masa lalu. Aku rimas dengan orang; ibu bapa, keluarga, kawan-kawan. Aku mula asingkan diri, cari seseorang yang sama jiwanya dengan aku. Namun tak jumpa. Aku lebih senang untuk 'stick to one person rather than have many people to lean my head on'. Namun tak jumpa. Kalau ada, cuma sementara, sementara perang tidak tercetus.
Semasa di kolej, aku mula berperangai tak senonoh. Rakan se'chalet' dan yang berkaitan pasti tahu. Dan makin lama, makin aku seronok. Sebab boleh buat aku khayal, dan lupakan apa yang aku alami. That was only the beginning.
Dalam keadaan tertekan, sesiapa juga akan fikir sesuatu yang tak munasabah dan tak berfikir dengan waras.
Aku baru saja tengok filem Buli. Terkesan dengan tekanan yang dialami oleh Nordin yang selalu dibuli. No, aku tak pernah dibuli. But the feeling is almost the same. Rasa rendah diri, tiada keyakinan, selalu berfantasi, dan lari daripada masalah. Blame myself of everything that happen.
Rock dan metal hanyalah salah satu cara untuk aku punya sesuatu untuk aku tumpu. When I am working on something, I think less of my negative feelings, and I am a bit okay after that. Tapi tak selamanya ketenangan itu ada.
Firstly, my parents especially never like me to like that kind of music. Second, I spent so much money on music stuffs. Third, musik tu bingit and most of the people around were irritated.
But now I understand, music is just music. The way to make we feel at peace is just when we go back to whom we are from. Tuhan.
Also I used shopping as a way to overcome my stress. I shopped a lot, and don't really care about money. Usually I bought something that are cheap so I can buy in bulk. It really makes me happy for possessing lots of things.
Bila usia meningkat, aku mula memahami berbagai sebab atas sesuatu kejadian yang berlaku di masa lalu. Aku rimas dengan orang; ibu bapa, keluarga, kawan-kawan. Aku mula asingkan diri, cari seseorang yang sama jiwanya dengan aku. Namun tak jumpa. Aku lebih senang untuk 'stick to one person rather than have many people to lean my head on'. Namun tak jumpa. Kalau ada, cuma sementara, sementara perang tidak tercetus.
Semasa di kolej, aku mula berperangai tak senonoh. Rakan se'chalet' dan yang berkaitan pasti tahu. Dan makin lama, makin aku seronok. Sebab boleh buat aku khayal, dan lupakan apa yang aku alami. That was only the beginning.
Dalam keadaan tertekan, sesiapa juga akan fikir sesuatu yang tak munasabah dan tak berfikir dengan waras.
Aku baru saja tengok filem Buli. Terkesan dengan tekanan yang dialami oleh Nordin yang selalu dibuli. No, aku tak pernah dibuli. But the feeling is almost the same. Rasa rendah diri, tiada keyakinan, selalu berfantasi, dan lari daripada masalah. Blame myself of everything that happen.
Rock dan metal hanyalah salah satu cara untuk aku punya sesuatu untuk aku tumpu. When I am working on something, I think less of my negative feelings, and I am a bit okay after that. Tapi tak selamanya ketenangan itu ada.
Firstly, my parents especially never like me to like that kind of music. Second, I spent so much money on music stuffs. Third, musik tu bingit and most of the people around were irritated.
But now I understand, music is just music. The way to make we feel at peace is just when we go back to whom we are from. Tuhan.
Also I used shopping as a way to overcome my stress. I shopped a lot, and don't really care about money. Usually I bought something that are cheap so I can buy in bulk. It really makes me happy for possessing lots of things.
How Long Will I Live, Actually?
I am worry about lots of things. About myself, especially. Also about others.
Years ago, seemed I already lost my life. I cannot find any way out, and lived like in hell. Everyday is about tears, fear of being hated by all, worry about my parents and their shattered dream, worry of what I'll receive from the sponsor, trying hard to get in good relation with Mak and others, trying to find what is the meaning in life I felt is already hopeless.
I am weak. I really can't go on with all of these. A year had passed, and I am still being shadowed by my past. With things I have today, I feel I'm being pulled to what I was before. I'm trying to feel less sinful doing things, by being ignorance.
Mak said, 'Just let people talk. Your life today is just about study, get the degree. Don't sacrifice your life again for such a thing. You failed once, don't let you fail again.'
Just remembering what I talked with Izat before. We talked about life, what will happen next. I told her, I will go back to Malaysia and redo my degree. No need to pay the cost the sponsor paid for me for the A-level and 2 years of my life in the UK. Just, stick to the program and work for them. I said that with hope, I will be okay, and happy, and relax. (I miss her actually; Woi!! Balik Malaysia contact la aku.)
And we talked about life. About how long we will live. Both of us don't expect a longer life. Less than 30. If I am not mistaken. But even with such expectation, she is doing everything perfectly. She enjoys her life, doing things she loves. I admired people easily, during that time. Just because they live happily.
I thought, why can't I? Why take things negatively? Why lose hope? Why feel so frightful about life?
Years ago, seemed I already lost my life. I cannot find any way out, and lived like in hell. Everyday is about tears, fear of being hated by all, worry about my parents and their shattered dream, worry of what I'll receive from the sponsor, trying hard to get in good relation with Mak and others, trying to find what is the meaning in life I felt is already hopeless.
I am weak. I really can't go on with all of these. A year had passed, and I am still being shadowed by my past. With things I have today, I feel I'm being pulled to what I was before. I'm trying to feel less sinful doing things, by being ignorance.
Mak said, 'Just let people talk. Your life today is just about study, get the degree. Don't sacrifice your life again for such a thing. You failed once, don't let you fail again.'
Just remembering what I talked with Izat before. We talked about life, what will happen next. I told her, I will go back to Malaysia and redo my degree. No need to pay the cost the sponsor paid for me for the A-level and 2 years of my life in the UK. Just, stick to the program and work for them. I said that with hope, I will be okay, and happy, and relax. (I miss her actually; Woi!! Balik Malaysia contact la aku.)
And we talked about life. About how long we will live. Both of us don't expect a longer life. Less than 30. If I am not mistaken. But even with such expectation, she is doing everything perfectly. She enjoys her life, doing things she loves. I admired people easily, during that time. Just because they live happily.
I thought, why can't I? Why take things negatively? Why lose hope? Why feel so frightful about life?
Sunday 13 June 2010
Weekend
I am very thankful, today's off.
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Two weeks of holiday just about driving and sleeping.
Hmmmpphhhh!!
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Two weeks of holiday just about driving and sleeping.
Hmmmpphhhh!!
Friday 11 June 2010
Sudah Bosan Pandu Kereta
Baru belajar berapa hari, dah rasa bosan.
Bila uncle tu ada di sebelah, asyik nak tegur saja, memang buat gelabah, tak boleh nak fokus. Bila dia melepak tempat lain, boleh saja aku buat sorang-sorang.
Bilalah boleh nak fokus sambil dengar omelan orang. Hehehe.. Maybe that's why Abang never try to listen each time aku mula membebel. Sakit telinga.
Mak kata 'Rugilah dah bayar tak nak belajar dah!'
Abang kata 'Tak payah drive dah. Ambil lesen, lepas tu simpan saja 2 tahun. Dah dapat lesen penuh.' Well, if he is willing to be my driver.
Oh ya, tadi tengok gambar anak Naili. Sangat tak nampak macam muka husband dia. Dan sangat terkejut sebab Anis dah nak kahwin end this July. Macam agak tiba-tiba. Emm, rezeki orang. Kami belum lagi. InsyaAllah, ada rezeki nanti. (^_^)
Tadi tengok status Wina. Iman berkadar terus dengan ujian; SABAR. Rasa macam agak terkesan pada diri. Bila macam-macam datang bertubi-tubi, memang rasa sedih. But then, itu 'teguran' daripada Allah. Means, memang aku ni masih teruk. Tak berganjak langsung dari diri aku dulu. Luaran saja berubah, dalaman masih ditampuk lama. Sangat..... tak efektif.
Jadi, berlapang dadalah. Baiki diri. Masih belum terlambat. Dan jangan sekali-kali berputus asa dan kembali kepada kehidupan dulu. (baru saja tadi fikir macam tu, dah siap touch up rambut sekali)
Lemahnya iman.
Bila uncle tu ada di sebelah, asyik nak tegur saja, memang buat gelabah, tak boleh nak fokus. Bila dia melepak tempat lain, boleh saja aku buat sorang-sorang.
Bilalah boleh nak fokus sambil dengar omelan orang. Hehehe.. Maybe that's why Abang never try to listen each time aku mula membebel. Sakit telinga.
Mak kata 'Rugilah dah bayar tak nak belajar dah!'
Abang kata 'Tak payah drive dah. Ambil lesen, lepas tu simpan saja 2 tahun. Dah dapat lesen penuh.' Well, if he is willing to be my driver.
Oh ya, tadi tengok gambar anak Naili. Sangat tak nampak macam muka husband dia. Dan sangat terkejut sebab Anis dah nak kahwin end this July. Macam agak tiba-tiba. Emm, rezeki orang. Kami belum lagi. InsyaAllah, ada rezeki nanti. (^_^)
Tadi tengok status Wina. Iman berkadar terus dengan ujian; SABAR. Rasa macam agak terkesan pada diri. Bila macam-macam datang bertubi-tubi, memang rasa sedih. But then, itu 'teguran' daripada Allah. Means, memang aku ni masih teruk. Tak berganjak langsung dari diri aku dulu. Luaran saja berubah, dalaman masih ditampuk lama. Sangat..... tak efektif.
Jadi, berlapang dadalah. Baiki diri. Masih belum terlambat. Dan jangan sekali-kali berputus asa dan kembali kepada kehidupan dulu. (baru saja tadi fikir macam tu, dah siap touch up rambut sekali)
Lemahnya iman.
No One Is Perfect
Bila kecil, selalu fikir parents and adults are great because they know lots of things, everything. Tapi lama kelamaan, bila dah semakin besar, rasa macam memperlekehkan mereka, dalam segala aspek.
Sedih juga, bila check diri sendiri, banyaknya kekurangan diri. Dari segi solat, perangai, sikap; memang banyak cacat cela. Dan bila keadaan diri yang makin lama makin jauh dari asal, diri pun jadi makin tak stabil. Tends to do ridiculous things especially.
Yet, no one is perfect. Parents, always try to make sure they can answer all the questions asked. Not because they want to look good in front of their children. But just to satisfy they children.
And we as human being, tends to do mistakes. Intentionally or not.
Sedih juga, bila check diri sendiri, banyaknya kekurangan diri. Dari segi solat, perangai, sikap; memang banyak cacat cela. Dan bila keadaan diri yang makin lama makin jauh dari asal, diri pun jadi makin tak stabil. Tends to do ridiculous things especially.
Yet, no one is perfect. Parents, always try to make sure they can answer all the questions asked. Not because they want to look good in front of their children. But just to satisfy they children.
And we as human being, tends to do mistakes. Intentionally or not.
Sunday 6 June 2010
Gila Manga
Hoho...agak kurang bahagia dengan internet di rumah yang macam biskut. Dan broadband juga coverage kurang di sini. Tapi masih melekat juga depan laptop. Baca manga.
Oleh kerana sangat leka, tak hirau sangat pasal makan pakai dan hal-hal rumah. Mak pula demam. Abah yang uruskan hal rumah. Sangat tak okay. Patutnya sebagai anak perempuan sulung, aku yang patut masak, kemas rumah, basuh baju etc. Ni semua Abah buat. Kerja aku baca manga dan main dengan Kecik.
Emm, jadi sangat kebudak-budakan bila balik rumah. Nak bermanja sokmo. Buat apa pun tak pandai.
Macam manalah nak jadi bini orang, mak orang kalau macam ni gayanya?
Oleh kerana sangat leka, tak hirau sangat pasal makan pakai dan hal-hal rumah. Mak pula demam. Abah yang uruskan hal rumah. Sangat tak okay. Patutnya sebagai anak perempuan sulung, aku yang patut masak, kemas rumah, basuh baju etc. Ni semua Abah buat. Kerja aku baca manga dan main dengan Kecik.
Emm, jadi sangat kebudak-budakan bila balik rumah. Nak bermanja sokmo. Buat apa pun tak pandai.
Macam manalah nak jadi bini orang, mak orang kalau macam ni gayanya?
Saturday 5 June 2010
Cuti Semester; Hari Pertama.
Hari pertama sampai, dah kena mengemas semula. Penat ok!! Bangun tidur, bilik dah penuh dengan barang-barang yang dibawa balik semalam. Kecik angkat, atas arahan Mak.
Nak berfoya-foya setengah hari sekejap. Baru kemas semula. Mujur Bear tak jadi balik. Kalau tak, penat dengar dia membebel. Makcik sorang tu memang tak boleh tengok bersepah sikit. Kalau kasi dia kemas, entah ke mana barang aku dia sumbat.
Nak berfoya-foya setengah hari sekejap. Baru kemas semula. Mujur Bear tak jadi balik. Kalau tak, penat dengar dia membebel. Makcik sorang tu memang tak boleh tengok bersepah sikit. Kalau kasi dia kemas, entah ke mana barang aku dia sumbat.
Friday 4 June 2010
Cuti Semester!!
Wah, penat mengemas!!
Rasa teruja pula nak masuk semester dua ni. Mungkin dah tersiksa dengan aktiviti dalam minggu ni yang agak memenatkan. Ah, dengar ceramah berjam-jam, penatlah kan? Sedap je tidur masa ceramah. Hehe..
Sejak exam dulu tidur memang tak teratur. Bangun sangat lewat. 7.30 pagi baru sedar, tu pun sebab orang kejut. Kalau tak kejut, mahu terlajak sampai 9.30.
Banyak juga persoalan bermain dalam kepala ni. All are about future. How can I cope with all the things that are coming? Sukar, macam dulu-dulu juga. Chances to survive are still unknown. But after too much time of failing, I still am here today. Bukan sikit-sikit sakitnya, cabarannya. Dealing with myself is too much for me, then with my family (alhamduliLlah hubungan dah semakin baik dengan family), friends, study, the coming job and the coming family.
Bak kata Anis siang tadi, sabar itu pada permulaannya. Memang susah nak berada dalam keadaan tenang bila ada musibah. Perasaan marah, kecewa, sedih etc tu memang terus datang. Bila dah dalam sikit, baru datang sabar. Itu sabar pada pengakhirannya. Kira salah konsep dah la tu. Tapi orang yang paling bijak ialah orang yang bila sedar, dia terus berubah. Maksudnya tak membiarkan diri bergelumang dengan dosa.
Oh!! Tak sabar nak balik dan jumpa Kecik. She's the second person who can go well with me and can make me happy. Boleh borak-borak dan bergurau senda. Sekarang ni sangat gembira main dengan budak-budak. Rasa macam dah tak sabar nak timang anak sendiri.
Okay sudah mengantuk. Mahu tidur.
Rasa teruja pula nak masuk semester dua ni. Mungkin dah tersiksa dengan aktiviti dalam minggu ni yang agak memenatkan. Ah, dengar ceramah berjam-jam, penatlah kan? Sedap je tidur masa ceramah. Hehe..
Sejak exam dulu tidur memang tak teratur. Bangun sangat lewat. 7.30 pagi baru sedar, tu pun sebab orang kejut. Kalau tak kejut, mahu terlajak sampai 9.30.
Banyak juga persoalan bermain dalam kepala ni. All are about future. How can I cope with all the things that are coming? Sukar, macam dulu-dulu juga. Chances to survive are still unknown. But after too much time of failing, I still am here today. Bukan sikit-sikit sakitnya, cabarannya. Dealing with myself is too much for me, then with my family (alhamduliLlah hubungan dah semakin baik dengan family), friends, study, the coming job and the coming family.
Bak kata Anis siang tadi, sabar itu pada permulaannya. Memang susah nak berada dalam keadaan tenang bila ada musibah. Perasaan marah, kecewa, sedih etc tu memang terus datang. Bila dah dalam sikit, baru datang sabar. Itu sabar pada pengakhirannya. Kira salah konsep dah la tu. Tapi orang yang paling bijak ialah orang yang bila sedar, dia terus berubah. Maksudnya tak membiarkan diri bergelumang dengan dosa.
Oh!! Tak sabar nak balik dan jumpa Kecik. She's the second person who can go well with me and can make me happy. Boleh borak-borak dan bergurau senda. Sekarang ni sangat gembira main dengan budak-budak. Rasa macam dah tak sabar nak timang anak sendiri.
Okay sudah mengantuk. Mahu tidur.
Wednesday 2 June 2010
Antara Tahu dan Ingkar
Kita tahu banyak hukum agama. Kita belajar dan faham. Malah mampu menyenaraikan dalil-dalil berkenaan sesuatu hukum.
Ini entry khusus, untuk rakan-rakan. Janganlah menari di hadapan khalayak ramai iaitu di hadapan lelaki.
Alasannya, aurat itu turut merangkumi memelihara lenggok badan. Tak kiralah akan ada yang tertawan atau tidak. Yang penting kita jaga.
Kalau benar kita seorang wanita Muslim, jagalah.
Ini entry khusus, untuk rakan-rakan. Janganlah menari di hadapan khalayak ramai iaitu di hadapan lelaki.
Alasannya, aurat itu turut merangkumi memelihara lenggok badan. Tak kiralah akan ada yang tertawan atau tidak. Yang penting kita jaga.
Kalau benar kita seorang wanita Muslim, jagalah.
Tuesday 1 June 2010
A Bit of Photography.
I know I'm lousy in photography. But still the interest in it keeps me going on. I never satisfy with the photos I captured, so I kept on browsing over others' work.
I just having fun looking at sunset's photos in Flickr. They are cool!! Certainly taking photos during sunset needs longer exposure. So, tripod is needed. I wish I have one. Hehe.. not that I'm going to sea side anyway. But, the photos are really nice, and I need to work a lot more to capture much nicer photos by my own.
I told myself a lot, to study about the function of the camera. No, I don't really know the functions, even I am using the camera manually. Usually, I set the setting by trials and error. So, I always take lots of shots over a single pose. Not to worry though. But not knowing how to work it out, seems one of the obstacles of not doing it right. Isn't it?
As I looked around, I found myself with regular objects, and regular sceneries. How can I change the regularity into something nice? Well, we tend to look closely at something unusual rather than things that are too common for us.
Being creative is not me. But I love the beauties of the world, everything made by Allah, are all too beautiful. So, photographers especially need to expose that beauty to our very eyes. Beauty that cannot be explained with words. Praise Allah for all the nice things you see, because He's The Greatest of all Who Creates.
I just having fun looking at sunset's photos in Flickr. They are cool!! Certainly taking photos during sunset needs longer exposure. So, tripod is needed. I wish I have one. Hehe.. not that I'm going to sea side anyway. But, the photos are really nice, and I need to work a lot more to capture much nicer photos by my own.
I told myself a lot, to study about the function of the camera. No, I don't really know the functions, even I am using the camera manually. Usually, I set the setting by trials and error. So, I always take lots of shots over a single pose. Not to worry though. But not knowing how to work it out, seems one of the obstacles of not doing it right. Isn't it?
As I looked around, I found myself with regular objects, and regular sceneries. How can I change the regularity into something nice? Well, we tend to look closely at something unusual rather than things that are too common for us.
Being creative is not me. But I love the beauties of the world, everything made by Allah, are all too beautiful. So, photographers especially need to expose that beauty to our very eyes. Beauty that cannot be explained with words. Praise Allah for all the nice things you see, because He's The Greatest of all Who Creates.
Dilema Air, Untuk Kesekian Kalinya
Secara terang dan jelasnya masalah air ini dah banyak kali diutarakan, dan pihak pengurusan pun tak mampu untuk berbuat apa-apa dalam masa terdekat ini untuk menyelesaikannya kecuali menasihati pelajar khususnya untuk bersabar. Ya, sabar.
Sabar itu pada perkataannya bermaksud peranan hati untuk tidak marah atau menyesali atau bersedih atau apa saja perkara yang negatif (ie sifat-sifat mazmumah) atas musibah yang terjadi kepada kita.
Namun begitu, sabar ini bukanlah satu perkara yang menghalang kita daripada membela nasib kita. Sebagai contohnya, kita tak ada duit untuk makan. Makanya kita sabar, menanti rezeki datang kepada kita agar kita dapat makan. Itu kurang pandai sebenarnya, bukan sabar.
Sebabnya, Islam itu cantik. Tidak membebankan manusia. Disuruh sabar bukanlah untuk duduk menanti mengharap 'rahmat'. Disuruh sabar bukanlah dengan mengalu-alukan orang menginjak-injak kepala kita. Kalau tak ada duit, cara kerja. Itu baru betul.
Ya, sedar tak sedar kita membuatkan hukum agama sebagai restriction untuk kita berkembang. Mengikut membabi buta, padahal kita punya akal kurniaan Tuhan. Ramai sudah manusia pandai membaca, berpelajaran tinggi dan 'open'. Makanya wajarlah kita sedar dalam menjalani hidup sebagai seorang Muslim, kita sebenarnya melakukan sesuatu untuk menjadikan kita seorang manusia.
Melakukan sesuatu amalan tanpa sedar akan maksudnya itu sudah sinonim dalam hidup kita. Apatah lagi melihat tujuan hidup manusia yang sebenarnya. Segalanya kabur.
Mari kita berusaha keluar daripada belenggu jahiliyyah diri ini.
Sabar itu pada perkataannya bermaksud peranan hati untuk tidak marah atau menyesali atau bersedih atau apa saja perkara yang negatif (ie sifat-sifat mazmumah) atas musibah yang terjadi kepada kita.
Namun begitu, sabar ini bukanlah satu perkara yang menghalang kita daripada membela nasib kita. Sebagai contohnya, kita tak ada duit untuk makan. Makanya kita sabar, menanti rezeki datang kepada kita agar kita dapat makan. Itu kurang pandai sebenarnya, bukan sabar.
Sebabnya, Islam itu cantik. Tidak membebankan manusia. Disuruh sabar bukanlah untuk duduk menanti mengharap 'rahmat'. Disuruh sabar bukanlah dengan mengalu-alukan orang menginjak-injak kepala kita. Kalau tak ada duit, cara kerja. Itu baru betul.
Ya, sedar tak sedar kita membuatkan hukum agama sebagai restriction untuk kita berkembang. Mengikut membabi buta, padahal kita punya akal kurniaan Tuhan. Ramai sudah manusia pandai membaca, berpelajaran tinggi dan 'open'. Makanya wajarlah kita sedar dalam menjalani hidup sebagai seorang Muslim, kita sebenarnya melakukan sesuatu untuk menjadikan kita seorang manusia.
Melakukan sesuatu amalan tanpa sedar akan maksudnya itu sudah sinonim dalam hidup kita. Apatah lagi melihat tujuan hidup manusia yang sebenarnya. Segalanya kabur.
Mari kita berusaha keluar daripada belenggu jahiliyyah diri ini.
Duit Duit, Di Mana Kau Duit??
Ahh.. pening kepala fikir pasal duit. Tapi sedikit lega juga, sebab sewa bulan 6 dah pun bayar. Cuma tinggal duit air saja. Tapi hutang rumah dengan aku, ada lebih kurang £180 lagi. Jadi aku rasa, kalau duit tak masuk lagi bulan depan, bayar sewa rumah guna duit hutang tu-lah.
Aku tengok, tabung rumah ada duit syiling saja. Mana duit lain yang belambak tu, tak tahulah. Tapi, boleh nampak peti penuh. Untuk lauk saja dah 2 ketul tiap orang. Itu, makan untuk sehari. Mungkin masing-masing dah tak lalu nak makan nasi juga, makan lauk saja. Ataupun, dah makan dua kali sehari. Lapar sangat, mungkin.
Ahh.. pokai. Dalam hati, berkira-kira nak ke Sainbury, cari makanan separa ringan. Macam kek, triffle (itu mesti ada!!), coklat, biskut. Rasa mengidam lagi kuat daripada rasa lapar. Masa demam dulu, tekak aku nak makan burger saja. Jadi dalam seminggu tu, dua kali menyeret badan yang tak larat ke kedai yang jauhnya lebih kurang 2km dari rumah. Agaknya, kalau aku mengandung nanti, mengidam apa ye? Jangan yang pelik-pelik sudahlah.
Aku teringin nak makan benda yang sejuk dan manis. Aiskrim, trifle, yogurt. Huk..huk..
Aku tengok, tabung rumah ada duit syiling saja. Mana duit lain yang belambak tu, tak tahulah. Tapi, boleh nampak peti penuh. Untuk lauk saja dah 2 ketul tiap orang. Itu, makan untuk sehari. Mungkin masing-masing dah tak lalu nak makan nasi juga, makan lauk saja. Ataupun, dah makan dua kali sehari. Lapar sangat, mungkin.
Ahh.. pokai. Dalam hati, berkira-kira nak ke Sainbury, cari makanan separa ringan. Macam kek, triffle (itu mesti ada!!), coklat, biskut. Rasa mengidam lagi kuat daripada rasa lapar. Masa demam dulu, tekak aku nak makan burger saja. Jadi dalam seminggu tu, dua kali menyeret badan yang tak larat ke kedai yang jauhnya lebih kurang 2km dari rumah. Agaknya, kalau aku mengandung nanti, mengidam apa ye? Jangan yang pelik-pelik sudahlah.
Aku teringin nak makan benda yang sejuk dan manis. Aiskrim, trifle, yogurt. Huk..huk..
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