Friday 31 December 2010

Welcome Year Two Thousand And Eleven

AlhamduliLlah, thanks a lot to Allah, for being able to live yet breathing in peace today, and this year is at its end today.

So, usually at the end, we look back and check whether we achieved or not what we had vowed(?) at the beginning of this year. Most of the people have their own target or maybe pledge made at 1st of January each year, as we call as 'azam tahun baru' in Malay.

Some people doesn't really care about this thing but I believe it is crucial especially for people who are in a transition period of their life, or maybe for those who are turning a new leaf.

Thursday 23 December 2010

Metalling

Sebenarnya, dah lama tak dengar lagu yang 'uppp' sikit daripada heavy metal. I am restricting myself actually, untuk tak dengar lagu death atau black metal dah. Kalau ada pun, just lagu Cry War dari Tormentor saja. Dan sekarang aku sedang dengar lagu dari As Sahar, one of the greatest metal group from Malaysia. And I think I am easy listening the songs from Intifada album, dan lain-lainnya aku delete. Berat juga, bila fikirkan lagu-lagu yang aku simpan selama ni, Kreator, Obituary, Venom, Children of Bodom, Dimmu Borgir, etc. Sayang.

But then, I know I need to get rid of the songs. What I am doing is right.

Whatever people say, I think metal is still a great genre. Entahlah. The time is now to change whatever that is needed to be changed.

Sayonara!

Monday 20 December 2010

Monday

I always not really in term with Mondays. I don't know, maybe because it is the first day of the week which indicates the end of weekend ie holiday. And always, the day is longer if it's Monday.

Most people hate Monday. Hehe..

I just realised, that I need to do some work. I mean, I am wasting time. I am wasting my youth, and I'm getting older, and death is nearer. But I have no intention of dying yet. Not yet.

I just want another three years to pass by just like that. Somehow, I feel stuck and unable to move in this coming three years. As long as I'm still not getting paid, I am unable to do things that I want to be, what I should do. Not a good mind to begin with.

Sunday 19 December 2010

Kalau Berkalau

I am having a nostalgic and dramatic night. Not physically, though.

Bukanlah menyalahkan, atau suggesting another path that should be carved to be mine. And most people say, tak elok berkalau-kalau ini.

But I just want to remember my mistakes, my wrong and bad deeds, dan apa saja yang berkaitan.

1. Kalaulah aku dulu belajar betul-betul.

Why I can't study well, sangat bergantung pada psikologi diri sebenarnya. Kalau dah minda di-set untuk stress dan tak patut lalui apa yang tidak aku ingini, maka automatik rasa blur, tak boleh nak faham, tak nak terima apa yang sedang berlaku.
I was blaming my parents for this. Bukan saja berkenaan belajar ini, tapi pasal pasangan hidup juga.

Friday 17 December 2010

Bla..Bla..Bla..

So,dah lama rasanya nak menulis. Actually, tak ada idea sangat nak menulis. Dan hari-hari sebelum ni agak dull sedikit sebab mula dah nak tidur dengan banyak. Bosan ye, duduk rumah saja. Nak keluar jogging, aku dah malas nak drive, dan main badminton depan rumah adalah sesuatu yang kurang menyenangkan lantaran ibu-ibu yang tinggal berdekatan itu matanya macam laser dan mungkin sinar gamma sebab boleh tembus-tembus kat badan aku, dan aku rasa memang sangat tidak selesa.

Jadi, masa aku habiskan dalam bilik dan di atas katil, yang natijahnya membawa aku ke alam fantasi paling kurang pun dalam tiga jam. Dan itu tidak produktif. Cuti memang seronok, tapi cuti yang terlalu lama rasa macam tak cukup sebab apabila sudah bosan dan lali dengan aktiviti harian yang hampir kepada rutin robot yang diprogram, maka pembuangan masa yang berleluasa pun menjadi-jadi dan mengakibatkan litar pintas dalam litar otak dan merembeskan sel-sel malas dalam diri dan hati.

Monday 13 December 2010

Isi Borang SPA

Aku dah beberapa kali mengisi borang SPA secara online, untuk Abang. Sebelum ni, ada jawatan yang layak untuk dia, yang kelayakan tertinggi hanyalah PMR. Tapi kali ni, sudah tak ada. Paling rendah kena ada SPM. Dan aku pun jadi serba salah. Aku tahu dia tertekan dengan kerjanya. Yalah, bagi sesiapa yang pernah jadi kuli, memang tenaga dikerah sekerah-kerahnya macamlah kita ni hamba. Dan aku tahu rutin hariannya; setengah hingga tiga suku hari bekerja, kemudian balik untuk makan dan tidur (berehat). Bukan dia saja. Abah pun macam tu. Abah paling tinggi belajar pun darjah 6. Dan aku bertahun-tahun tengok Mak Abah bekerja mencari duit untuk menyara kami enam beradik. Perit.

Beginilah dunia sekarang. Bagi sesiapa yang rasa nak berhenti belajar, fikirlah semula. Andai kata punya kudrat yang kuat untuk buat kerja buruh misalnya, fahamilah bahawa kudrat itu hanya sementara. Gaji RM 1000 pada ketika ini nak cukupkan untuk hidup sendiri pun, tak tercukup. Harga barang semakin naik, orang nak berbelanja pun fikir banyak kali. Dengan kelayakan PMR sahaja, mahupun SPM, memang siksa.

Dan bagi mereka yang berada di atas, lihatlah kami-kami yang menjadi rakyat ini. Tersepit. Kami punya keperluan dan perut yang perlu diisi. Perlukah diperah keringat kami hingga kami jadi gelendangan di tepi-tepi jalanraya atau bawah jambatan baru anda sekalian buka mata?

Tuesday 7 December 2010

Risaukan Perkara Remeh-Remeh

Really, I appreciate all the times I am at home. Strengthening bond with my family members this time is the best since ten to 15 years back. Benarlah, manusia semakin dewasa, semakin matang. Yesterday, I was telling Kecik the stories about me, Mak, Angah, Dekli; years before. How were we used to be. And I realised, that I was very foolish. All the things that I did, the rebellions, arguments etc; they were childish things. Well, some arguments have good reasons, but all of us have change. And I think, I am having my best moments with them.

And one thing that made me realised, is when I observed Zakwan. He's going to secondary school, he thinks he is big enough now, getting angry at nonsense things, likes ordering people, etc. I think, I was like him. And when I see myself inside somebody else, I feel ashamed, I feel stupid, I feel that how wrong I was, and I regret it.

Monday 6 December 2010

Sehari Dua Yang Rasa Macam Nak Mengamuk

Aku, berjaya menghempaskan telefon bimbit ke dinding. Marah. Sebabnya remeh. Namun, syukur telefon tidak cedera parah. Cuma tidak dapat membaca kad memori, juga ada bahagian yang tertanggal dan sedikit patah di bahagian kekunci telefon.

Not a good thing to do. Marah-marah, terlalu emosi, dan tidak dapat mengawal amarah. But, I think that is better daripada killing. Hampir-hampir saja.

Life is not good this week. Keadaan ekonomi meruncing sungguh.

AstaghfiruLlahal'azim.

Thursday 2 December 2010

Sudoku Dude!!

This is maybe the third or second time I do this thing. I'm not really into puzzles, and I don't really like playing games which need me to make strategies. But for the first time, yeay!! I managed to do the sudoku (the easy one of course), with Kecik. Hoho.. an achievement!!

So, now the kids are busy in front of the monitor, doing the sudoku. I'm not going to touch it again, but I want to do something else that really use numbers.

Where's my calculator eh?

Sudah Masuk Disember

Masa cuti, dua minggu, rasa macam sekejap saja berlalu. What did I do these two weeks? Jogging, bersukan, menjahit, catching up with the three CSIs' series and House and The Biggest Loser Asia, sleep my heart out. And as usual, my actual plan for the holiday hanya berusik sikit saja. First is to complete my MQA filesssssss, and reading. I want, at least to finish reading the Muqaddimah by Ibn Khaldun, translated one of course. But I think the files completing is the most important one and I need to read the related books first to make the notes and the ISLs etc. It is like learning all of that again. It sucks actually. Who likes learning at the age of mine?

Talking about age, I am kind of tired of answering my grandma's questions of how old I am now and when will I get married. And once, she told me that I am old. I mean, not that I'm going to be already menopause at my wedding day. I'm not really that old yet.

And it is now December. And it will be 2011 in a month time. Masa berlalu sangat cepat kan? And I will be on my third semester. Sometimes I do miss the semesters in Cardiff Uni, masa memang tak sedar sedang berlalu, about 3 - 4 months for a semester? And now, even if the semesters are half longer, the work is triple, maybe four. It is tougher taking a degree in Malaysia, where little and sometimes nonsense things count. I hate it, but I love being here.

And now it is about a month before the break ends. And I need to work fast.

Now.