Sunday 31 October 2010

Longgar

I think, this institute is not as bad as others. Despite of the accommodation, I think this place is not really controlling and too restrict to its students.

And I'm really thankful there is Pendidikan Agama Islam course in here. It helps a lot!

So, what really is democracy then? Not allowing students to wear something as Islam told us to do?

Bau Roti

I'm quite disturbed for some hours by the smell of freshly baked bread. I don't know where it comes, but it really makes me feel so hungry and badly want to bake something.

Oh mak, last week I intended to bake a cake so I left out the Buttercup out of fridge but then you put it back inside.

Sedapnya kalau dapat makan kek buah macam yang last raya punya tu. Hehe... and I planned to make meringues. Nak test power kalau-kalau menjadi. Maybe I should make some cookies for this coming Eid during this coming holiday. I got my list but then maybe some are out of our tradition.

Oh ye, other than that I really want to try making scones and Yorkshire pudding. Sounds delicious!!

Anak-Anak Muda Yang Telah Pergi

Sebak aku rasa, bila baca berita tentang kemalangan di Genting Sempah tu. Aku selalu juga lalu sana, dan aku tahu bagaimana keadaan jalan di sana. Memang okay, tapi banyak selekoh dan berbukit bukau. Memang seperti jalan untuk menanti mangsa yang tidak bernasib baik.

Bila cerita tentang budak muda belasan tahun, aku terus teringat adik aku yang ke empat. Dia macam budak muda yang lainnya, suka motor, merayau-rayau, merokok, keluar malam-malam nak subuh baru balik, bangun lebih dari tengah hari. Dan itu seperti sesuatu yang normal bagi budak muda sebayanya.

Betapa sayangnya mereka-mereka ini yang begitu awalnya meninggalkan kita. Dan betapa sedih dan kecewanya hati ibu bapa, yang pada awalnya melepaskan anak-anak untuk berseronok dan melihat tempat orang, akhirnya dikhabarkan dengan berita kematian.

Saturday 30 October 2010

Coretan Sebelum Tidur

Hari ni, aku rasa macam sedikit kosong. Cepat berlalu. Sakit kepala yang sekejap datang, sekejap hilang, hati yang mudah terusik, perbualan dengan kenalan lama, terbunuh cicak secara tak sengaja; semuanya rasa macam agak menyiksa jiwa.

Aku nak risau tentang exam yang akan datang, betapa banyak lagi yang aku tak baca lagi dan aku tak tahu langsung berkenaan apa, tapi aku tak mampu nak risau. Entahlah, better just read through the book; make the notes later sebab masa sudah suntuk, tambah dengan batuk dan sakit kepala ni, tak mampu nak buat semuanya on time.

Beginilah, bila sakit datang dalam keadaan yang tak terduga, masa kesihatan itu amat diperlukan, untuk lulus exam, demi untuk masa depan. Just pray to Allah, semoga diberi kesihatan, ataupun kemudahan melalui masa sempit ini, sebab Allah yang beri semua ni, He wants us to come closer to Him and pray to Him, remember Him all the time; He knows the best for us. Dan sakit ini juga adalah penebusan dosa-dosa lampau yang tak terkira banyaknya. Be positive kan? Siapa tahu kalau-kalau aku sihat, aku terlalu berfoya-foya thus menambahkan lagi dosa yang sedia ada ataupun menjadikan aku seorang manusia yang berhidung tinggi kononnya mudah sangat subjek ni aku boleh buat pejam mata je?

Semoga kita selalu dalam perlindungannya. Orait, mari kita tidur dan berehat. Esok banyak lagi yang perlu dikejar.

Reverts

I am always astonished when reading about reverts. Their experiences are not miracle at all, but of sweat and time and courage and patient.

Currently I am reading a blog of a revert. She reverted to Islam when she was 18, and that was just a bit more than a year ago. She is very strong, and brave of telling her parents about her reversion despite of the result of might be disowned by her own parents. Currently her mom is okay with that, but her father already disowned her. But she still trying to contact him whenever she can, just her father never pick up the phone.

I just came to the part of how she started to learn about Islam. And really, she read not just simple books, but also the Quran. And that was when she was at school and still not reverted. See, how many of us really read thoroughly the Quran? I mean read, not just reciting what is in it. Me myself never read that much. Maybe just less than half of it. And yet, I am older than her, and much longer being in Islam than her.

Friday 29 October 2010

Kenyang Perut Suka Hati

Pertama sekali saya ingin menyampaikan penghargaan buat Fazita Mohamad yang membelikan saya makanan sebentar tadi, juga kepada Siti (Nur) Haliza Ali sebab mengambil order. Hehe...

Orait, just now berborak dengan teman sebilik, aku mengatakan yang aku sekarang ni makin malas. Well, always malas. To people yang pernah bertandang ke bilik aku, walau di mana juga (except at KYUEM sebab masa tu bilik aku memang selalu kemas), memang nampak limpahan dan longgokan beg, pakaian, kertas-kertas dan barang-barang seperti pin, wayar, botol-botol, fail, klip kertas dan sebagainya sama ada di atas katil, di atas lantai, mahupun di atas meja. Not that I didn't try to tidy them up, but I always ended up kemas dalam sejam dua, tak sampai 10 minit dah bersepah semula.

Mak fedap tau!!!!

Jangan Mengikut Macam Lembu

Aku tertarik dengan satu ayat yang pernah aku baca tak lama dahulu.
Orang Melayu ni, kalau tentang isu sensitif agama, memang berkobar-kobar berjuang; walaupun dia tak sembahyang!

Dan juga,
Menurut kajian, lebih kurang 80% orang Islam di Malaysia ni tak solat.

Dan lagi satu,
Wanita Barat yang memeluk Islam, juga mengenakan hijab, sedangkan ramai yang lahir asalnya Muslim tidak berbuat demikian.

Tambah lagi satu,
Tidakkah mereka sedar bahawa pengunjung utama kelab-kelab malam adalah anak-anak muda Melayu beragama Islam?

Thursday 28 October 2010

Kawan Aku Nak Kawin

Right, he is one of my best friend, at school. And I just know who is he going to marry. Budak Clifford jugak!!!

Aku gelak sajalah. Gaya dia cakap hari tu macamlah aku tak kenal. Aku ingatkan siapalah bakal isteri dia tu.



To Encik Ashraf bin Abdul Hadi, selamat pengantin baru dude! Gua doakan lu bahagia dunia akhirat dengan bini, anak-anak semua. Sorilah gua tak datang. Gua bukan macam lu ada kete sendiri, boleh ronggeng sana sini.

Okeh, sape lagi nak kawin? Seronok juga buat ucapan ni.

Bosan, Mungkin.

I'm in class. Studying, alhamduliLlah. But most of the time surfing the internet. I did blog's 'make-up', adding this and that, and learnt a bit (finally!) how to use a photoshop software. Baru rasa berguna ada benda tu dalam laptop.

Nak balik bilik. Nak tidur. Nak makan nasi. Lapo..........

Tenkaichi Cardiff

This is what I found in Facebook just now.



I used to eat at Tenkaichi, several times. And I like the food they serve, Japanese obviously. They use halal meat (except pork of course), but according to Mutheerah said, they don't separate the utensils used.

Anyway, this is one of the shot when we were there.

Wednesday 27 October 2010

Anjing

Frankly, I like dogs. Nothing wrong with them, but once they bark, memang agak scary. Anjing belaan selalunya comel dan manja. Macam kucing. But kucings are annoying. I'll talk about cats later, in other entry.

Right, we tend to run away when we meet a dog. Itu macam tindakan refleks. Anjing -> lari. The first reason is because people says that anjing is haram to be touched. Ini perlu diperbetulkan. Tak haram untuk pegang. But then samaklah semula. Macam kita pegang taik ayam contohnya, kotor, jadi basuhlah sampai bersih. Same goes to anjing and babi, but babi is haram untuk dimakan. Pegang tak ada masalah. Tapi siapa mahu pegang kan? Leceh nak samak pula.

Okay, berbalik kepada kisah lari daripada anjing. I've seen lots of reactions from my friends bila terserempak dengan anjing. The best is Husna's, di depan pagar Senghenydd suatu masa dahulu. Memang..........orang sekeliling pun terkejut jadinya. Dan aku ketawa terbahak-bahak. Hehe..

Tapi sekarang, presenting photo of the day......!!!!



Kami sedang berjalan-jalan sambil mengambil gambar. Kemudian ada seekor anjing sedang berlari-lari mengambil angin bersama tuannya di taman yang hijau lagi menyegarkan itu. Dek kerana takutnya dengan makhluk bernama anjing ini, sahabat saya ini mengambil langkah untuk lari ke seberang sungai walaupun anjing tersebut tidak terdetik pun untuk melihat malahan mendekati beliau. Saya yang terpinga-pinga dengan tindakan beliau hanya tergelak dari jauh, kemudian mengikut beliau dan seterusnya melepak atas jambatan sambil melihat mat saleh tengah berjemur di tepi sungai. (kantoi ambil gambar dia tak berbaju..ahakkkksss!!)

Enough of that. Credit to Izat (^_^)

Binatang peliharaan ni sangat leceh bila dia berak. Macam anjing ni, memang terjadi banyak kali beliau membuang air besar di flower bed depan rumah even tak ada bunga pun. Adakah rumah kami itu tandas untuk mereka, entahlah. Yang pastinya, dahlah tension dengan burung camar yang menyepahkan sampah, kemudian sampah berterabur termasuklah sampah dari sekitar di kawasan rumah, anjing membuang merata-rata lagi.

So, kesimpulannya, to those yang ada membela ni, anda sangat tabah menyucikan najis binatang-binatang ni. Kalau hamba, tak sangguplah nak buat.

Kesimpulan yang aku boleh buat, tak payah bela binatang.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Tersadai......Atas Katil

Oit!! Jangan fikir bukan-bukan ye.

Aku sedang melepak atas katil, dari siang tadi. Sekali sekala bila perlu ada jugalah bangun dan bergerak ke tempat lain seperti tandas contohnya. Dan sekali sekala adalah cuba untuk duduk tetapi selepas 10 minit nescaya aku berdebuk jatuh ke atas tilam sebab kepala tak tahan duduk tinggi sangat daripada anggota badan yang lain. Dia gayat, lepas tu mulalah nak loya-loya.

I was told to go to sleep, but then dalam kepala ni asyik fikir 'next week exam. Aku tak habis study lagi.' Kemudian kepala mulalah menerawang perkara-perkara yang tak patut dan membawa kesan emosi yang negatif seterusnya melayakkan airmata untuk mengalir membasahi pipi.

I want to read, I want to write. Tapi keadaan sungguh tidak mengizinkan. Setakat ni hanya bahan bacaan yang amat ringan saja yang mampu untuk melepasi halangan ni.

Tadi melihat gambar kawan-kawan semasa di kolej. Rindu saat tu, zaman tu. Dan seterusnya mengenang kembali zaman gila-gila dulu. Kenapa ye, semasa tu bukan aku tak tahu salah ataupun tidak, tapi masih juga buat. Dan kenapa ye, masa tu aku tak boleh nak tahan mengantuk dan terus-terusan tak ke kelas berbulan lamanya sedangkan di sini hanya beberapa kali saja aku ponteng, itu pun bersebab.

Adakah kerana suasana yang sangat skema? Ataupun kerana pengaruh usia menyebabkan aku mampu untuk tidak main-main lagi? Atau adakah kerana faktor dah-tua-tak-habis-belajar-lagi-orang-lain-dah-mula-kerja-kawin-ada-anak-ko-still-belajar-lagi berjaya memotivasikan aku untuk tak ponteng walaupun mengantuk gila tak tidur malam tu?

Sesungguhnya mengenangkan kejahilan di masa lalu selalu membuat aku rasa nak saja diputarkan masa kembali ke zaman itu maka dapat aku betulkan apa yang salah, yang pincang dan yang keterlanjuran. Okay, zaman itu aku bangga aku jadi macam bohsia. Well, sebab orang tak berani buat benda yang aku berani. Berani tak bertempat. Really, I was such a stupid person.

Okay, sekarang pun taklah baik sangat pun. Selalu saja buat jahat. And sometimes aku rasa gembira jadi macam dulu. Dan ada saja perangai lampau yang dah jadi macam habit dan sukar nak kikis. Tapi sorok lama-lama pun perangai huduh tu akhirat nanti semua orang tahu. Okay, itu sangat memalukan dan aku betul-betul nak stop.

Aku ada terfikirlah nak jadi gorgeous sikit, tapi rasa malu pulak.

Sejak bila aku jadi pemalu?

Kurang Sihat

Sejak pulang dari rumah pada hujung minggu yang lalu, aku rasa tak sedap badan. Kepala rasa berat, dan kalau boleh nak baring selalu. Tekak pun ada sikit loya. Okay, baru baik demam beberapa minggu yang lalu dah nak demam balik-kah?

Next week exam.

Tuesday 26 October 2010

Small & Portable Devices

Okay, mula-mula sekali, I love technology. Why? Because they make our life easier. For example, we got mobile phones, instead of the home ones. And we got laptop, instead of desktop.

So, what about that? I just browsed over Kindle Amazon, which is an e-reader. It is so cool, and I used to have a dream having one. I mean, berat kan nak bawa buku besar-besar (mine all are large and chunky) merata-rata. Dan kita boleh pilih nak baca buku mana over around 3500 books. Bunyi macam seronok.

Okay, kita putar balik masa dalam setahun yang lalu, dimana aku nak beli PDA. Sangat cool, sebab it really acts as a mini laptop. You can browse over internet, play musics and videos, ada Microsoft Office, etc. Macam perfect-lah kononnya. But then, fikir semula, a small device like than wont stay long with me, as I am kind of always browsing, playing songs all the time. Jadi cancel beli.

And before, as I was shopping for a mobile phone, I was searching for phones with large memory. I got lots of songs, and I always listen to them. But the largest memory all the phones can have is 2Gb. Jadi I just bought any phone, and next I bought an mp3 player with 16Gb + 8Gb extra memory card yang aku salah beli. Cool-lah tu even I usually thought of buying a new one tapi apa salah guna yang lama sebab masih elok dan berfungsi dengan baik.

Next, about laptop. Which I really in love now, because it is so portable. I got a broadband, and the battery of the laptop can stand around 4 - 5 hours. Rasa macam sangat mudah melepak mana-mana pun boleh browse over internet, or read books (I got some books in PDF) or write or doing homework. Having that laptop, and my mp3 player plus mobile phone untuk bercanda dengan orang tersayang sekali sekala, someone can lost in her world for hours.

Technology really is making our life easier.

Monday 25 October 2010

Idea

I got certain topics and some idea to write, but then, being at home and overly pampered makes my mind going blunt and I can't write a thing. Hehe...

Yesterday, Mak and Abah and Kecik and Zakwan went to Kuantan and I was left alone at home. Bear was there but went back to her college after noon. Boleh saja nak masak but then I was too lazy so I called Abang, we went out and makan-makan. Okay, going out with me never be a romantic one. Other than mumbling about too educational things, I also eat agak gelojoh (compared to him yang agak sopan santun), and entah bila masa nak jadi lemah lembut macam perempuan.

Sometimes I thought, 'I should say sorry at him for being too harsh. I mean, when he's at my house, I called him OIT!! in front of everyone instead of calling him politely Abang. And well, of course he's always being my victim, kena buli saja.' I don't know whether he feels embarrass about me, but he's too nice.

Really, I am always being pampered by my love ones. I never being asked to do heavy work, including some which I believe I can do, but they prefer me to just sit. Paling berat pun suruh kemas rumah saja.

I love them so much.

Sunday 24 October 2010

Twenty-Fourth of October

I am supposed to read, to study.

But I'm so lazy.

My family all are at Kuantan; Mak has a course and the rest jalan-jalanlah. I refused to go because I don't have my camera and I was kind of pissed of because of always telling the plan last minute so I didn't prepare anything. They told me yesterday, just some hours before going. Siapa tak marah?

So here I am, at home, alone. Tengok tv sajalah. Bosan.

Nak berpoya-poya tak ada duit.

Haiiihhhhhhhh......

Saturday 23 October 2010

Aku Pokai Sudah...

Mana taknya. Makan tak berkira. Beli saja apa yang nak. Lepas tu, sekejap je habis. Badan naik tak juga.

Lagipun recently aku beli laptop kan. So, memanglah habis cepat duit. (ayat memujuk hati)

Mak, nak duit.

Friday 22 October 2010

Tudung

We got lots of tudung at home. Mostly are mine, from around 10 years ago until now.

Right.

The topic is, about the proper way of wearing tudung. I admit, wearing a shorter tudung is more attractive. And, me myself actually not keen on wearing tudung. I think that I'm not suitable to wear one, and always end up berserabut wearing it. And just recently I feel comfortable of wearing tudung, and now I like wearing it most of the time. But there is time when I feel like to throw out all the tudung I got and be a free-hair.

So, what about the proper way?

As I learnt before, and most of the people know, the tudung must cover our chest. In easy words, make sure that the tudung must hide the shape of out breast. But most of the people just make it to cover the hair only. That is not really the purpose of wearing tudung.

This is not to attack certain someone. This is for everyone, whether as a new knowledge, or as a reminder. And certainly is for me who at most of the time tergoda with the types of tudungs available nowadays. Of course I want to be beautiful. Everyone does. And some time I did wear shorter tudung, and fancier than the ones I use now.
Manusia kan, selalu saja kalah dengan tipu daya syaitan. Hari ni kata, kasi pendek sikit takpe. Tak nampak sangat beza. Then, bila dah biasa pakai tudung macam tu, ayat yang sama juga diulang, hinggalah jadi sependek takat tutup rambut saja.

And if anybody notice, I already stop wearing tudung labuh. I felt that I'm not worth to wear until I already become someone I supposed to be. Okay, macam bodoh saja alasan.

It's Not Good Not To Like Someone Else

Well, I have this certain someone which I don't even want to see, at all. I don't know, each time I see this person, I suddenly have this feeling near to hate. For me, this person is not understandable, likes to divert the topics being discussed, and too schematic, if that's the right word. But then in the same time, this person is very nice and caring.

But then I decided to leave the near-to-hate feeling and accept this certain someone bad traits, and only look at this person's good side.

Well, I also have bad traits, much more than anyone I ever met, and always overshadowed my good trait. So, surely I don't want anyone to hate me, even if I don't really care being hated. But, accepting each other is the best to live among people. Nobody is perfect, but we can move toward perfect. But don't be a perfectionist. That makes people hate you even more.

That has been the things I told myself repeatedly.

Thursday 21 October 2010

Menulis

Aku suka menulis. Sangat suka. Tapi aku lagi suka menaip. Dua perkara yang sama, iaitu penulisan tetapi menggunakan mekanisme yang berbeza.

Aku tahu aku tidaklah pandai menulis. Hanya cerita, selalunya omong kosong sahaja.

Menulis ini ada banyak tujuan. Yang paling utama, pada hemat aku, adalah untuk mencurahkan perasaan. Selalunya orang guna diari. Pada aku tak efektif. Kerana diari adalah satu penulisan yang bosan, kerana bercerita seorang diri, tak ada audien. Bila tidak ada audien, rasa seperti penulisan itu hambar dan kurang menarik, sebab yang akan baca nanti hanyalah diri sendiri, yang memang sudah tahu tentang cerita yang ditulis itu.
Sebab itu aku tulis blog. Walaupun aku tak pasti ada orang baca ataupun tidak, menarik ataupun tidak (kerana citarasa dan pendapat manusia berbeza), aku rasa dengan menganggap akan ada audien yang akan membaca nanti menjadikan aku menulis dengan cantik. Aku ingin orang rasa seronok, ataupun dapat input apa yang ingin aku sampaikan. Makanya, pada pendapat aku penulisan blog ini adalah bersifat ala diari yang ada pengajaran. Kononnyalah.

Selalu juga aku cakap tentang perkara ni; bahasa. Ini pendapat peribadi aku. Untuk mendapatkan hasil yang menarik, gunakan bahasa dengan baik. Ejaan mesti tepat, grammar (aku tak tahu apa makna grammar dalam Bahasa Melayu)pun kena tepatlah. Namun perkataan yang 'fancy' boleh saja nak guna, tapi berpada-padalah. Janganlah dari awal sampai habis ejaan caca marba.
Bahasa adalah identiti sesebuah bangsa. Ramai kalangan masyarakat yang terlalu menggunakan bahasa pasar, atau bahasa terlalu pasar dan pelat di masa ini, sehingga tak tercapai maksud penulisan, dan sekaligus melemahkan penguasaan bahasa dikalangan kita.

Dan jika anda perasan, aku selalu menggunakan Bahasa Inggeris sebagai medium, selain daripada Bahasa Melayu. Aku kira, penggunaan kedua-dua bahasa tersebut adalah 50-50 dalam blog ini. Bahasa Melayu itu, sebagaimana yang diketahui adalah bahasa aku. Aku menggunakan Bahasa Melayu hampir 95% dalam kehidupan seharian.
Dan Bahasa Inggeris pula, aku kira merupakan lingua franca pada masa kini. Bahasa yang merupakan bahasa ilmu. Penguasaannya dapat meluaskan lagi dunia aku, ilmu dan pengetahuan sebab banyak sumber terdapat dalam Bahasa Inggeris, termasuklah yang diterjemahkan daripada bahasa asing yang lain. Dan nak belajar bahasa lain pun baiknya dengan menguasai Bahasa Inggeris dahulu sebab Bahasa Melayu ni lain daripada yang lain. Setakat ni aku diberitahu hanya Bahasa Welsh saja yang macam Bahasa Melayu. Lain-lain bahasa adalah lebih mirip kepada struktur dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

Ini, sengaja aku tulis. Biasalah, aku katakan dari awal lagi aku suka menulis. Aku menulis berkenaan apa saja, tapi lebih kepada pemikiran aku sendiri berkenaan sesuatu isu. Tapi aku tidaklah nak menyebarkan ideologi atau pegangan apa pun. Manusia punya akal, boleh digunakan untuk mentafsir sesuatu perkara yang diterima. Bukan lembu yang hanya mengikut orang yang menariknya. Jadi, jadikanlah sesuatu yang kita baca dan dengar itu satu bahan mentah untuk akal kita proses yang seterusnya menjadi ilmu, atau pemahaman mahupun ideologi atau prinsip dalam diri kita.

Macam manalah orang yang malas membaca macam aku ni boleh rajin nak menulis?

Ketidakwarasan Padaku - Sheila On 7

Ketidakwarasan padaku
Membuat bayangmu selalu ada
Menentramkan malamku
Mendamaikan tidurku.

Ketidakwarasan padaku
membuat hidupku lebih tenang
Aku takkan sadari
Bahawa kau tak lagi di sini.

Aku mulai nyaman
Berbicara pada dinding kamar
Aku takkan tenang
Saat sihatku datang.

Ketidakwarasan padaku
Selimut tebal hati rapuhku
Berkah atau kutukan
Namamu yang kusebut.

Aku mulai nyaman
Berbicara pada dinding kamar
Aku takkan tenang
Saat sihatku datang.

Luka hati akan mati
Jika jiwa terus menari dan bermimpi.

Luka hati akan mati
Jika jiwa terus menari dan bermimpi.

Ketidakwarasan padaku
Selimut tebal hati rapuhku
Aku takkan sadari
Bahawa kau tak lagi di sini.

Aku takkan sadari
Bahawa kau tak lagi di sini.




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I like the lyrics. Entahlah, bila hati dalam kesedihan yang teramat sangat, kadang-kadang ingin saja jadi gila, biar tak ingat langsung akan wujudnya dunia, biar kesakitan itu hilang.

I used to be one.

Dan ianya sangat menyakitkan.

Wednesday 20 October 2010

Hikikomori II

Pandang kiri, kanan, semuanya dinding. Kipas berputar sedang itu jugalah. Jari-jemari masih lagi rancang menekan kekunci komputer ribanya, sedang headphone ditelinga juga rancak mengalunkan lagu-lagu kegemarannya. Sekejap kepalanya terangguk-angguk. Paling tidak pun dia duduk menopang dagu di hadapan skrin komputer ribanya, memikirkan sesuatu barangkali. Lalu lalang orang di hadapan biliknya tidak pun dia hiraukan. Perut yang berkeroncong, pundi kencing yang dah pun penuh, pun dibiarkannya. Entahkan asyik, entahkan malas.

Sekejap dia meraba-raba telefon bimbit yang ada berdekatan. Ditekan satu butang; tidak ada mesej yang diterima. Diletakkan semula telefon itu. Dia kemudian berdiri, berjalan dua tiga langkah, mengelilingi bilik kecilnya. Dia kemudian duduk kembali, mengadap skrin komputer ribanya. Kemudian dia mengeluh. Bosan.

Tangan kembali ke kekunci komputer. Menaip itu dan ini. Kemudian berteleku. Bosan berteleku, dia bersandar. Masih lagi headphone mengalunkan lagu, masih lagi ada yang lalu lalang di hadapan bilik.

Bosan.

Lantas dia ke katil, merebahkan diri. Pusing ke kanan, pejamkan mata. Setelah sepuluh minit, dia berpusing pula ke kiri. Kemudian menerap, menelentang, memeluk bantal. Masih tidak dapat melelapkan mata.

Dia duduk, merenung komputer riba yang berada di atas meja. Kembali dia ke sana, menekan kekunci. Dia mengeluh kembali. Meraba kembali telefon bimbit, tiada mesej.

Perut berkeroncong, pundi kencing penuh. Masih juga dia duduk di situ.

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Bosan bukan? Ya, cerita di atas seperti tidak bermakna, dan kusam serta suram. Beginilah yang dilalui oleh mereka yang mengasingkan diri dari khalayak. Perkara yang sama, rutin. Dan mereka mencari kepuasan dengan gadjet serta alam maya, namun ianya tidak memberi kepuasan selamanya.

Situasi seperti di atas sebenarnya dialami ramai. Pernahkah kita menekan butang 'home' berkali-kali menanti update daripada 'friends' di Facebook? Ataupun refresh berkali-kali laman yang sama. Ataupun duduk menghadap kaca televisyen dari pagi hingga ke malam tanpa menghiraukan diri sendiri ataupun orang di sekeliling? Ataupun bermain PSP tak henti-henti hingga rosak console? Ataupun mengurung diri di dalam bilik, takut untuk bertemu dengan orang lain?

Bantulah mereka.

Cerita Mimpi : Inchuk

Ini cerita mimpi aku. Jangan percaya.
Satu dokumentari telah diadakan untuk menemuramah satu kaum yang diberitakan telah membunuh sekumpulan penyamun yang telah menyerang kampung mereka. Kaum ini dinamakan Inchuk, dan kampung tempat tinggal mereka ini seperti satu kota lama besar yang berdindingkan batu-batu gergasi seperti mana yang ditemui pada kota-kota dan kubu yang digunakan pada zaman dahulu. Kaum ini tinggal secara terpencil disalah satu negara di Eropah.

Kaum ini telah mengejutkan benua Eropah atas pembunuhan sekumpulan penyamun, kira-kira 20 orang yang telah menyerang kota mereka, dan pembunuhan itu telah dilakukan hanya oleh dua orang pemuda dengan hanya bersenjatakan tombak (spears).

Melalui kajian daripada beberapa orang pengkaji, kaum itu masih lagi mengamalkan cara hidup pada zaman feudal, akan tetapi masih mengikuti peredaran masa walaupun ketinggalan dalam 10 tahun ke belakang. Namun begitu, kaum ini begitu mahir menggunakan senjata, sama ada senjata lama seperti tombak dan pedang, mahupun senjata moden seperti pistol dan senapang. Maka tidak hairanlah penyamun-penyamun itu berjaya ditumpaskan dengan mudah oleh hanya dua orang pemuda.

Menurut kajian tersebut, pemuda kira-kira 15 tahun hingga 25 tahun merupakan golongan yang paling ramai di antara kaum tersebut. Pemuda-pemuda ini seperti tidak tertarik pun dengan trend dan ikutan zaman sekarang, malah menjadi kekuatan utama kaum tersebut. Didapati juga, kaum ini begitu kuat pegangan agamanya dan merupakan pendorong utama bagi kaum ini dalam meneruskan hidup mereka melawan arus dunia sekarang. Juga didapati, kebanyakan kaum ibu tinggal di rumah menjadi surirumah dan merupakan golongan agama yang paling kuat berbanding lelaki.

Seorang wartawan dengan berani cuba untuk menemuramah kaum itu, akan tetapi tidak mendapat keizinan, malahan diberi amaran oleh seorang pemuda yang kelihatan berusia kira-kira 20 tahun,' Kami tidak meminta apa-apa dari kamu. Jadi adalah lebih baik kamu pergi dan tidak mengganggu kami.'

Begitulah kaum yang hidupnya tidak menghiraukan peredaran masa yang dianggap hanya menghancurkan, malahan percaya bahawa agama merupakan tunjang dalam membentuk insan yang kuat dari segi jasmani mahupun mental. Yang lebih menarik ialah peranan kaum muda dalam mempertahankan dan membina bangsa tersebut.

Aku tak tahu kenapa aku boleh bermimpi tengok dokumentari dalam tv. Ini kali pertama aku mimpi macam tu, tapi sangat menarik. Rasa-rasa logik tak kalau bangsa kita boleh jadi macam tu?

Hikikomori

From Wikipedia:
Hikikomori (ひきこもり or 引き籠もり Hikikomori?, literally "pulling away, being confined", i.e., "acute social withdrawal") is a Japanese term to refer to the phenomenon of reclusive people who have chosen to withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement because of various personal and social factors in their lives. The term hikikomori refers to both the sociological phenomenon in general as well as to people belonging to this societal group. In Western terminology this group may include individuals suffering from social phobia or social anxiety problems. This could also be due to agoraphobia, avoidant personality disorder or painful or extreme shyness.


Ada dalam diri kita?

Tuesday 19 October 2010

Cerita Tentang Malas

Sekarang. Tengah. Mengadap. Susu. Tambah. Nestum. Tambah. Madu. Panas.

I was thinking of nyamuk. After the seminar this evening, which ended around 5 PM, I went back and tidur. I was thinking of praying, but then, as usual, MALAS. So, after berangan around 15 minutes, I slept.

Dalam jam 6, aku dikejutkan dengan gatal, at my fingers and feet. Oleh kerana gatal yang amat sangat, aku bangun dan seekor nyamuk pun berjaya dibunuh.

Then I looked at the time, 6 PM. I lied down back, trying to sleep. But something was in my mind; why don't I just got up and pray?
I didn't know if SETAN really was having a 'conversation' with me that time. I can't sleep, and was thinking, Allah sent the nyamuks to wake me up, so that I will pray. He wanted me to meet Him. And usually, I easily fall back to sleep. But this evening, it was hard even if I was very sleepy due to only 2 hours of sleep that morning

There are two types of thinking in our mind; one is saying 'well, you can wait. Ko pun bukanlah baik sangat. Setakat tinggal dua, tiga kali semayang pun relaxlah. Baru nampak kau macam manusia biasa. Ko semayang pun, ko buat dosa besar lain gak. Nampak hipokrit.', and another one is saying,'Allah beri peringatan tu. Bukan senang nak dapat peringatan direct macam tu. Kau baru buat dosa besar, kejap je tadi. Sudah-sudahlah. Jangan tambah lagi satu. Bangun, solat Asar.'

And as you can see, the one yang ajak kepada kejahatan tu adalah lebih logikal alasannya. Dan selalunya aku tertarik kepada yang logikal itu. I don't want to be hypocrite as 'he' said.

Cara ajakan tu, memang mudah saja, kalau nak dilihatlah. Ada sesetengah orang yang begitu menekankan prinsip hidup, maka prinsip hidup itu yang menjadi perkara untuk dicucuk-cucuk. Dan bagi wanita pula, sebab nak cantik dan berkeyakinan, pun menjadi perkara hasutan syaitan. Dan bagi yang berpasangan, perkara indah tentang berpasangan pula yang menjadi perkara godaan mereka.

They are using simple reasons untuk menipu kita. But still, kita terlalu ikut logik akal untuk buat pilihan. Mereka tak suruh dan paksa kita, tapi kita yang buat pilihan.

Ya Allah, kami memohon dariMu dari godaan syaitan yang direjam.

Air Minum

Okay, to those who know me, I always bring a big bottle of drinking water almost to anywhere. When I'm going to class, outing or balik kampung, I will always bring water at least in 1 liter bottle. And recently, I got myself a big bottle of 2 liter, and that is the stock of my drinking water.

So, what is about that? I actually don't like bring lots of things when I went out. In my past, I usually bring only my handphone, house key and wallet, which I put in my jeans pocket.
I always see Chinese brings big bottle of drinking water to class. And I thought, that is good. Because drinking a lot of plain water is good for health, also to prevent us from being sleepy.

I'm drinking lots of water because of health. I always got bad urine result in all my medical check up because I drink less. And for avoiding being sleepy in class, I'm not practising that.

I am known as someone who sleeps a lot. That has been for years, since I was in school. I was known as sleeping beauty (not really a beauty, that's just name) in school. And I used to not to go to class because of my sleeping problem. And I still have that problem until now. But I do try hard not to sleep when there is a teaching and learning process in class, but I will sleep if there's none. I sleep in each assembly, and almost in all talks, almost each evening and of course at night. But I have difficulties in sleeping at night even I don't have enough sleep.

Enough of that. Continuing about the drinking water. One of my friends told me that mineral water that we buy actually is more harmful that tap water. Mind you that in UK, we can obtain drinking water just from tap water, ie the water need not to be boiled but is drank right away from the tap. So, why is mineral water harmful? Because it contains minerals, and the minerals react with the inner surface of the water, which is plastic. So, we have extra 'minerals' in mineral water; plastic particles, or maybe components of it.

Now, I drink filtered water, and sometimes mineral water. Tap water in here, I think is not really clean, compared to the filtered one. Actually, the drinking water in my house is from filtered water directly from the tap. And I think it is good for me. I never have diarrhea due to drinking water; it usually is from food. And I sleep less, even that is not the main point of me drinking lots of water.

Is 2 liter is enough for the daily recommendation? Let see, each day we need to drink at least 8 glasses of water. Let us say that a glass of water consists of 300ml, so 8 glasses will be 2400ml which is equal to 2.4 liter. No! It still is not enough. So, let us think back of what we drink each day. How much of sugary drink, and how much of plain water?

Water is necessary to ensure that our body function is in good condition. It got something to do with the electrolytes in the body; well, I already forgot what's the function. But everyone knows that water is good for our health. We need not to just dieting all day long, eating less fat and carbohydrate, but we also need to drink lots of water. By dieting, we actually cutting supply of energy to our body, and our body need to be refreshed. Kesian la kat badan tu..

Okay, actually I need to finish up my burger because I am very very sleepy at the moment and it is already 2.20 AM. Ini namanya makan tengah malam, and I am disappoint as even how much I eat and how late, I still got this body with maintain weight of 40 kg. I'm underweight. And that is not good, and I got heart problem, and of course easily tired. I think that I have weird metabolism. For example, yesterday evening when I was in library, I was sweating even the library's aircond was really strong macam transition from spring to summer. Well, maybe macam summer yang paling sejuk la.

Dah habis makan!! Jom tido.....

Bukan Sesuatu Yang Membahagiakan

Well, I believe I'm the most stupid person in class. Because I am totally lost, because of having no basic knowledge in certain subject, especially my major. Manusia manakah yang paling berkerut dahinya mendengar segala macam istilah dan bentuk-bentuk chemicals yang tak difahami langsung? Gua.

Seriously, I should ask to change the major subject to Maths, because I know that is my strength. Learning something is the second target in here; all are about doing the coursework and exam. And everyone already have strong basic in all the subjects, which they all learnt in their foundation year. And me? I'm left out.

I'm really not kind of biology and chemistry type of person. I said this lots of time before; I never learn biology before. And when I learnt it, it sucks. Because all already have basic and I have no idea of what is actually going on and I was just bantai and buat kesimpulan sendiri based on what I've read. And the same goes to chemistry which I am learning right now. It is double sucks from biology. That is number 3 in my whining list; after water and workloads in here.

I really feel like quitting this course. Tapi ada beberapa minggu saja lagi before end of semester, so just bear with it. And I hopefully next semester, which we will learn physics, I won't be in this state again, or I'll go nuts.

And what about the certain subject that the lecturer almost never got into class and we actually know nothing about the course and suddenly got news that this Thursday will be the exam? Okay, some minor but nasty words already come out my mouth.

Right, change the subject. What about water? We are doing great in here. We learn how to never kencing or berak for days, mandi is already something unimportant here. Or maybe we need to learn not to eat nor drink for weeks or months so that we need not to berak or kencing anymore. That will be great.

I never thought that this place is going to be like this. It is worst than my 4 years in Clifford, 10 to 5 years before.

I love this place is in Lipis. It is close to my parents house, and my spouse, but I don't like living in here. We got money, but it's being spent to something else, something that brings popularity. But we are suffering in here. Not just the students, but lecturers too. We can see, even if they never tell us. I just hope the next full 3 years will go away just like that. Well, I want to learn at least something during the period. But please make me feel that 3 years is nothing but just 3 days or 3 hours.

Segala-galanya menyakitkan.

Monday 18 October 2010

AlhamduliLlah

First of all, thanks to Allah for his rezqi, even if I initially have no money, but ended up eating lots and lots of food. And I am very full right now, but still got a burger to finish. Hoho...makan besar wehhh!!

Secondly, I'm in a good mood even if I actually was stressed out in class rasa nak mengamuk sudah. But still, manage to control everything, except my appetite.

Next, I think I have a good relation right now. With everyone, despite of lots of controversies lingering around. But, that's what I feel. Need not to be true. I just feel good.

What else eh? Well, for being in good condition, alive, and not sick. And a bit rajin. Hehe..perasan wehhhh!!!

And I really really really want to be a mother. And being a mother to that special person's children. Hehe...I menggatal sudah. But, usually mothers call me as 'akak' to their children, instead of 'makcik' or 'aunty'. But I remembered this one chinese mother call me as 'aunty' to her daughter. That was in emergency room in hospital. I was very happy at that moment even I was loya-loya and terlantar atas katil tunggu air menitik masuk dalam tangan. Hehe...

Once A Rockers, Always Will Be

Really? Well, might be. But not necessary.

In my opinion, each and every person has specific interest. And this interest, despite of the bad or good it is, cannot be forgotten easily, and might be lingering around till the end of life.

Most of the people who used to be rockers, and now diverting their lifestyle contrasts to what they used to be, still have that spirit in them no matter what. They might interpret their previous life as bad or 'jahil', but still, once in a time they still remember and miss the time.

That is my opinion. Depends on you to accept or not.

I believe, in all the things that happen and exist in this world, have their own good and bad side. It is us to chose which we want to take, and how we interpret things.

Sunday 17 October 2010

Next Entry Of Marah

Well, being not in a good mood few days before, resulting me in worse situation.

I'm out of money, frankly. I just got RM 15.xx, this evening. Abang was fetching me from bus station in Lipis, and sent me to maktab, as usual if Abah's not sending me back. I went to the bank to withdraw some money but the ATM was out of service.

So, I was pissed off and kind of merajuk on the way back. He tried to talk to me, and even smile to please me (which usually that can make me okay) but I didn't reply back. And I even gave him RM10, kind of insulting him by 'paying' him for his help. So, it resulted in him not talking to me anymore, and I have no money except the ones for the bus fare to go home this Friday and some shillings to buy water (because there is no water in the block) and that's that.

My bad mood and behaviour really kick me off. Now I'm depending on the 'makan-makan' that might be hold in this week; that will be two. And I have to eat biscuits.

I just hope he'll be okay, at least. Well, me as well. Hope my stomach can stand without nasi for days.

Reflection? I know it's not good being in bad mood all the time. I don't want to promise something like, 'I promise won't get angry anymore'. I just hope I learn something from this, practically.

Saturday 16 October 2010

Sesuatu Yang Tak Disangka......

When I was in class, I got a text from Abah saying he will fetch me from maktab that afternoon. And I was so happy, it's something unexpected. And so he came, even a bit late but still I don't have to be worried anymore about how to go home. Even if I can go home by bus, but since I am very lazy so I always hope somebody will come and take me home.

Talking about being lazy. I told Abang recently that I actually kind of workaholic if it involves something that I love. BUT LUCKILY I AM LAZY so I won't be really workaholic as I could be. And he laughed because I said 'luckily I am lazy'.

Well, I'm going to browse through catalogs, I want to see if there is any shoes that I targeted before.

Marah: Muhasabah Diri

Mengenang kembali hari semalam yang tidak dapat dikawal perasaan negatifnya, aku duduk dan fikir, kenapa perlu aku marah? Adakah dengan marah-marah dan mengamuk selesai segala masalah. Sebagai orang kerdil dan tak punya apa-apa makna pada diri orang tersebut kecuali kerja, makanya hendak tak hendak aku kena bergerak. Kena kerja. Sebab itu yang diminta. Dan alhamduliLlah dalam keadaan hati yang panas, badan yang menggeletar menahan marah dan gelodak dalam perut yang tak henti-henti meminta darah, aku berjaya juga menyiapkan sedikit tugasan yang diberi. Kepuasan? Tidak. Sedikit pun tidak. Malah mengeluh, dan masih lagi dalam jiwa yang tertekan. Ikutkan hati tak perlu tidur saja pagi tadi. Biar berjaga hingga pagi hari menyiapkan semua tugasan dan seterusnya menyeret badan yang lemah ke kelas biar pengsan sahaja dek kepenatan amat sangat, namun dah dipujuk si buah hati maka tidur jugalah aku.

Seriously, bila dalam keadaan marah, segalanya bercampur baur dan salah faham berleluasa. Namun dalam masa yang sama tetap ingin menyalahkan orang itu dan orang ini; siapa sahaja yang salah faham. Walau sedar orang lain lebih berat bebannya namun tetap mahu marah. Marah itu hak aku, dan aku ingin marah. Menahan berkali-kali tak mungkin dapat, walaupun tidak mustahil saja untuk marah. Jadi aku katakan pada diri, biarlah jadi buruk nama dan orang tak suka. Buat apakah tiap kali punya perasaan perlu disekat-sekat dan dihalang perasaan itu. Bukan aku menyusahkan mereka pun. Aku bising-bising pun tidak mengusik mereka sedikit pun.

Makanya muhasabah diri ini tidaklah berguna kali ini sebabnya aku dah malas nak tahan perasaan ini.

Friday 15 October 2010

Flats

Okay, I'm diverting my anger on something else.

Another version of flats, which I have posted before. This time is red in colour.



The design, again is simple. Oh how I want to have a vast collection of shoes with various colours and style.

Love this one too. It looks nice to be worn with white long skirt, striped white and orange long sleeve and pastel coloured hijab. Hoho...cool eh?

Marah

Dah lama tak betul-betul marah. Seriously badan rasa menggeletar dan really badly nak bermain dengan darah ataupun human flesh, slicing it bit to bit carik-carik tulang dari daging dan gelak sepuas-puasnya. Dan mulut pun dah mengeluarkan kata-kata yang kurang enak.

Aku sangat-sangat marah.

I'm Pissed Off, Again.

Rasa serabut dan nak marah. Why, everything must be told last minute?

Oh please-lah. Gua dah serabut dengan air yang tak ada even nak kencing pun kena angkat air and bawa ke toilet, for weeks!! Last week air ada di tandas just for less than half a day! And this week tak ada air langsung. Really, I can't consider living like this. And last week I was on my period. And that was like hell angkat air sampai bertong-tong to wash the pad, at least twice a day. And it really pissed me off lalu depan rumah warden dan dengar mesin basuh tengah spin whereas we in here, in the same block got no water harap je ada mesin basuh.

I don't know why we have to face something like this. Plus with the last minute assignmentS, dengan silibus yang tak habis lagi dan the coming exam, tak hairan sampai ada orang histeria atau depression but I JUST HOPE NOBODY WILL KILL HIM(HER)SELF.

You know, great universities overseas don't really have this kind of workloads especially the last minute ones, and they produce much higher level skilled graduates. And we in here, with so much 'kerenah' and too schematic; how can we conclude about the quality of the graduates and set aside the amount of them? And just how much our graduates being unemployed or unskilled?

Really, I just hope I just graduated and never ever faced these nonsenses!

Thursday 14 October 2010

Memoranda Luka - Desire

Dedaun berserakan
Di atas bumi basah
Berlinang airmata
Si perindu yang malang
Dilihat sekelilingnya
Suria masih memancar
Burung yang berkicauan
Seolah tak hiraukan
Dia.

Harapan bertaburan
Diruang tak bernisan
Hatinya memberontak
Yang berwajahkan retak
Memoranda asmara
Telah jemu dibaca
Hanya menambah sebak
Luka di dalam dada
Dia.

Termenung di atas bangku basah
Walaupun hujan telah pun reda
Tapi tidak dihatinya
Masih gelora
Yang menghentam sukma
Dia.

Berombak pantai
Berombak hatinya
Ingin rasanya dikabarkan pada dunia
Walau ia sedar
Itu hanya mimpi
Dan kan menyerang
Seandainya terus begini.

(solo)

Sebuah sketsa rindu
Yang berirama pilu
Di luarnya bergema
Bagaikan halilintar
Didongaknya ke langit
Mendung bertandang lagi
Dengan hati yang pedih
Dia melangkah pergi
Sepi.


Termenung di atas bangku basah
Walaupun hujan telah pun reda
Tapi tidak dihatinya
Masih gelora
Yang menghentam sukma
Dia.

Berombak pantai
Berombak hatinya
Ingin rasanya dikabarkan pada dunia
Walau ia sedar
Itu hanya mimpi
Dan kan menyerang
Seandainya terus begini.




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One of the best slow rock from Desire. I'm in love with this album because it's full of heavy songs which are critically cool to listen especially at the lead guitar, and slow songs which the lyrics are so sweet and meaningful.

Kenapakah layan lagu slow eh? No reason though. Just for some time, for a while. Lagipun tak kisahlah slow ataupun tidak as long as we appreciate what we listen and enjoy apa yang ingin disampaikan di dalam lagu tu. Jangan hanya dengar and that's that. Everything that is being created is for reasons, and don't let it slip away just like that.

Okay, aku jadi gila sikit dengar suara vokalisnya. :D

Constant

I really envy people who can do something which I want but I can't. For example, praying. How is that someone can constantly want to pray, and be faithful about religion etc?

Should never give up eh?

Sweet Charity - Datang & Pergi

Telah berlalu
Datang kembali
Terbayang di ruangan mata
Suka dan duka
Tinggal hanyalah kenangan.

Datang dan pergi
Sesuka hati
Menyusup dijiwa ini
Hingga di mana
Ianya akan berakhir.

Cukuplah derita
Sengsara yang ku alami
Biarlah ku pergi membawa hati ini
Relakan ku pergi.

Kini sudah kurasakan
Cukup aku menderita
Tak ingin lagi
Bercinta kedua kali.

Cukuplah derita
Sengsara yang kualami
Biarlah ku pergi membawa hati ini
Relakan ku pergi.

(solo)

Kini sudah kurasakan
Cukup aku menderita
Ku tak ingin lagi
Bercinta kedua kali.

Biarlah ini kujadikan
Cubaan dalam hidupku
Bukan maksudku
Untuk berpisah denganmu.

Cukuplah derita
Sengsara yang kualami
Biarlah ku pergi membawa hati ini
Cukuplah derita
Sengsara yang kualami
Biarlah ku pergi membawa hati ini.




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Lagu ni well known to most of us. One of the best slow rock from Sweet Charity, or maybe people just know it's from Ramli Sarip. Okay, this song is from Batu, one of Sweet Charity's album, track number 3. I'm not sure which year it was.

Just enjoy.

Love

Some people tend to be disgusted when we talk about love. Is it wrong? Don't you have the feeling inside? Need not to be too disgusted. The feeling towards your parents, or even yourselves is still called love. So does the feeling towards another gender. And if without love, you won't even exist in this world. So why the ugly face?

True, that love can bring disaster to somebody. That is when is channeled to the wrong way. And if that's the reason why you hate being connected with this feeling, then you are easily generalizing things. Well, some people do play with other people's feeling. That is. But not a good reason of hating the feeling.

Simply said, love shouldn't be hated. But should be keep in a special place, and just for special ones.

Wednesday 13 October 2010

Dinnerware

I used to collect dinnerware. I used to have a collection of plates. But unfortunately I left them all in Cardiff. Oh pinggan-pingganku.

But as I now live in a hostel, and never ever do any 'makan-makan', so what's the point of having lots of plates and mugs and all?

But early this morning I browsed over dinnerware and think, why don't I start collecting them? Well, they can be of use after I get marry. And I can just use them at home.

I like something like classic like English Rose pattern, simple like solid plain white, blue chinese pieces, or squares in shape. I like using chopsticks even when eating rice, but all depends on the food.

Why oh why there is no kitchen in here. At least a hot plate, so we can at least cook. Well, maybe they should ensure there is enough water for all before providing something else. For instance, they provide us with washing machines, but what for if the machines cannot operate because of no water?

Flats

I actually don't have much clothes which is suitable to wear with flats. But flats are simple and easy to wear. Are not really okay wearing for formal wear, which usually I do but just for some time, maybe flats with baju kurung is nice to get a teenager look.

I've browsed over Amazon.co.uk and am very keen looking at flats available there. I like this neon blue flats from Nine West.




The colour and design are very simple, it's bright and I think can really change someone's look from formal to cheeky.

Okay, target no 1 is already locked. Hahaha... but I have to be careful because I usually end up buying other things instead the one I'm looking for.

Fade-Up Tahu?

Semut-semut yang menginap dalam kettle kecik aku tu pun dah bosan duduk sini. Tak timbul-timbul dah sejak seminggu lepas. Dan dua hari aku duduk sorang-sorang dalam bilik dan tidur. Well, bukan bosan sampai tertidur tapinya. Tapi memang hidup untuk tidur sejak dua menjak baik demam ni. Bukan saja di bilik, malahan dalam kelas juga. Except today. Balik bilik nanti mungkin sambung tidur semula.

Fade-up actually sebab dah malas sangat-sangat nak belajar ni. Aku nak anak. Aku nak jaga anak. Aku dah bosan mengadap buku-buku, kertas, laptop ni even aku taklah belajar sangat pun sebenarnya. What the heck jadi macam budak sekolah lagi. For most of my friends, ramai yang nak sambung belajar. Buat master, then phD. But not for me. Aku lagi suka duduk rumah dan jaga anak dan laki.

Oh tolonglah 3 tahun ni berlalu.

Dear, maaflah you dapat bini pemalas macam I ni. I kuat tidur tahu, and kuat shopping dan kuat makan. Memang penat you nak jaga I ni. Tapi I tahu you sanggup kan. Kata sayang. Huhu....

Tuesday 12 October 2010

Lalalala......~~~

Nak earphone baru....yang senang dibawa merata-rata instead of this huge headphone. But I don't like both; earphone menyakitkan lubang telinga, headphone menyakitkan cuping telinga. Dah asyik sangat pakai, mana tak sakit. But the best way to listen to music is by using earphone. Sebab akan dengar segala benda. I'm kind of like to listen pada satu-satu bahagian at a time. For example, mula-mula dengar vokal, next instruments which usually are lead guitar, drum, bass, rhythm, and any additional ones. Speakers are used bila nak berparteyyy sahaja. Haha...

Anyway, dah agak lama tak post lagu and lyrics in here. Sebab utamanya ialah aku dah lama juga tak dengar lagu sebenarnya. I just updated my mp4 player last week yang sebenarnya dah lama tak berusik. Sekarang nak cari lagu pun dah malas. So far, I got the ones that I love. This time I just listen to those I like, and put aside all the albums and black metal ones. Okay, I really need to stop. People might say, tak elok dengar lagu black metal ni, etc. I don't really care because I like them, but to the matter of facts, I have to accept that opinion.

Okay, I hate this evening's exam question. It was about studying overseas, did badly in exams, graduating. Warrrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!!!! I know I did badly in my study before, very badly. Rasa macam, memang nak putar balik masa so that I will be already finish studying, dan boleh kerja dah dan boleh nak expecting anak dah tahun depan. But really, I can't. And dah tersurat pun I will be here. Both ways are good, but here is the best. So, terima kenyataan dude!! Now, even my juniors dah pun di tahun akhir, and I just started. Bersabar sajalah. The days will come. Another 3 years to go, bukannya lama sangat lagi.

Monday 11 October 2010

Panas

Sangat panas sekarang ini. Plus dengan pinggang yang agak sakit. I don't know why. Any planning to do anything will be in fail; this heat kills the spirit.

I want to write, but got nothing to say. I've made an essay since 2 days ago, and just finished it this morning. Well, I started writing the essay back this morning dan pakai goreng saja. Seriously, it was then so easy to write one. There were so many ideas before, but just recently, I feel blank.

Nak cuci mata kat Amazonlah. Nak ikut? Jom!!! Semalam I nak shopping sakan tapi kepala pusing. And Cik Abang dah melepak luar kedai. Hehe.............

Next time ye dear, I nak kasut baru, and some shorts and tops.

Air

Kecik tanya aku semalam, masa aku tengah lipat baju banyak-banyak dan sumbat dalam beg, 'Kenapa Along bawa baju basuh kat rumah?'

Aku jawab dengan penuh perasaan, 'Sebab, kat maktab tu air baaaaaaaaanyak sangat sampai tak terbasuh baju.'

Kemudian dia senyap berfikir, kemudian dia sambung, 'ooooo...air tak ada.'











Agak-agaknya sampai aku grad nanti, berapa banyak entri berkenaan air yang akan aku post di sini?

Triple Tens (10.10.10)

Yesterday is 10th October 2010. There are many people getting married yesterday plus promotions of purchasing things etc.

I went to a walimah yesterday, with Abang, to his friends. So, officially I am acknowledged to be his wife-to-be to his friends. Dan dia 'dicabar' semalam to get the date 11.11.11 which is next year, but we chose another year.

But really, everyone is expecting us. My parents also don't really care about me and him going out as long as nothing happens dan balik rumah. Even if anything happens (me having problem, nak balik, sakit), my father seems to expect him to handle instead of himself.

Harapannya, insyaAllah bertemu dan berkekalanlah jodoh kami.

Saturday 9 October 2010

Bearing With The Heat

It is damn hot!! Well, good sign actually, saying that I'm in a good recovering progress. I never can withstand the heat in Malaysia. Plus, Malaysia really is going hot and hotter ever since. Global warming if I can say.

I'm now in my parents' room. They have better light (and bed) than ours. Trying to do the assignment, but it is so hot, my head is still not okay. Pening-pening dan sangat berat and can really think something too..... unthinkable. For example, the assignments.

I looked at my friends' graduation photos. And of course Cardiff.

It is so nostalgic. I want to turn back time. To 8 years ago. When I was in SBP, Form 4. Or to the time I finish school. That's exactly when my life changed. I've been too stupid to believe a man. Or to 4 years ago. Again being played by man.

I've lost myself too much.

And in this evening, with me feeling heavy in head, and weak in body, and the music playing in my ears, and darker shades of the sky outside, reminds me of my life in Cardiff so much.

Can I have at least a glimpse of winter in Malaysia? I hate this heat so much.

Friday 8 October 2010

I'm Pissed Off!!

I can accept if they are not beautiful or nice at all. What I can't accept is, why does he likes to play around and not even serious doing his work? Didn't he know that I AM JUST RECOVER FROM FEVER and now I need to redo almost half of them?

Memang rasa nak mencarut sangat-sangat.

Jalan Macam Orang Mabok

Well, yeah!! Kepala pusing-pusing sikit. But I feel healthier!!!!! AlhamduliLlah...

Anyway, whether you are okay or not, work is still work. And the deadline is not going to change at all. I was thinking something drastic, and I hope my teammates will agree on it. Just a way to finish all the work easily and faster.

Oh, I watched the celebration for the Sultan in front of the Royal Room this morning. My class' just near there. But I went back to hostel around 11, before I actually sleep in the class until evening. That could happen. Because as I reached my room and eat my food, I slept until 6.30 PM. I did woke up several times, but that's because I coughed so hard.

Abah's going to fetch me tomorrow's evening, the earliest. His shift's morning; he might go somewhere far sending patients, to Temerloh, Kuantan or KL. He must be very tired. I intended to ask Abang to send me but he seems tired too, each day working non-stop.

Whether you are working, or still studying, both are hectic and tiring. But you know, when I saw them both work hard for me, makes me love them more and more each day. So, even if I feel very distress about my condition, my study and my coming old age, I need to go on and finish this study. I won't allow myself to fail for the second time.

Talking about old age, this semester is going to its end. Just in a month. Next will be my third semester!! How fast is it? I just feel that it was yesterday I went back from UK and enter this maktab. And next year I'm going to be 24!! Geezzz.....

Okay, time to continue doing the assignment before 'mabok' datang balik.

Wednesday 6 October 2010

Datang Dan Pergi..... Sesuka Hati.....

Baru ada tenaga untuk berfikir. I spent this whole day sleeping. I was not feeling well. I even brought my blanket to class because it was cold and my whole body was shivering. I didn't even do a thing for the convocation. I want to help, at least something, but I don't think I'm able to. And adding up to the sickness, we got another assignment to be done, ELP, which is basically English, and need to be submitted next Monday after a test, a final test for the ELP course. And at the same day, we need to present our work, Literasi Bahasa, so that the lecturer can chose the best three to be included in an exhibition on 19th (or maybe 17th, tak ingatlah).

I believe everyone is in a mess right now. Just imagine, you are busy with the convo's preparation, and suddenly you got an assignment which the due date is next week. I just thought, 'How cruel the lecturers can be actually?'

Okay, that's for others. For me, in my group, there are two people who are not well, me and Kimah. Nasrul is too busy. Everybody in the JPP is busy. Sya is also busy, as one of the committee members of the surau. Usually, the most not-busy-person is only me. But with me lying down 24/7 like this, I can't be as effective as I usually am.

Abang burst out just now; aku mengomel tak nak belajar dah, tak nak duduk sini dah. He said, 'Tahu tak berapa ramai orang yang nak belajar tapi tak dapat peluang?'. I replied that I'm in stress, told him all the problems as I mentioned above, but he didn't reply back. Okay, biar lantak.

Saturday 2 October 2010

Suhu Badan Naik Sudahhhhhh

Am I the last person 'infected' by fever in here? It is fever season starting the first week after Raya break. And after 2 weeks, and most of the people are already fine, suddenly I got it.

It started with diarrhea for two days, 'angin' (as usual) with my right arm cannot be moved because it hurts like hell, and then I suddenly felt cold and was shivering, and the temperature rose.

I don't feel okay, especially I am enthusiastic to do the assignment. Okay, the next one will be submitted this coming Monday, and I need to work for the presentation, reflection and poster, plus compiling all and print them out. I don't think I can finish them all this Sunday night when I'm stuck in bed and having this headache and shivering and all.

I want to go home tomorrow. Want to get a massage, and maybe off to hospital if the temperature is too high. But I don't think it will be. Anyway, going home is not really easy in here when you don't have any means of transportation.

Anyway, I guess maybe lack of rest and rushing here and there makes everyone falls sick. It's assignments weeks guys! Everyone is crazy like hell catching the deadlines. Some lecturer may be very nice giving extensions, but some are not. And sleeping 4 am in the morning everyday is not good for your health, isn't it?

SO, that's my second semester in here. RUSHING. That's the best description. And dealing with people who are so much procedural is a pain. I mean, what's the matter of ONE page of the assignment is not in order? Everyone is rushing. Need not to be too emotional about that. It's not done intentionally.

But I love to thanks my lecturers for extending the deadlines. It helps so much; with the work, and with the stress.