Wednesday, 31 March 2010

Nothing Specific

I have nothing specific to write in here. Just a brief note about what happen today. Well, the most important one is ANGGERIK DAH ADA AIR!!

Seems I need to reconsider my plan untuk balik kampung. I already sent that yellow book for permission to go home. Well, as I am going to go out this Sunday, not a problem to drop by home. Kadang-kadang tengok kami ni macam agak funny, seems like husband and wife, hantar wife balik rumah mak sekejap, then bawa balik semula. Hehe.. Even brader guard maktab ni pun anggap macam tu juga. No comment.

I realise that I need to eat a lot since I went back from PBS. I couldn't get enough energy by eating once a day. Need to have extra supplement, at least some sugar. Surprisingly, I felt very weak this morning while I was doing science experiment. So I went to canteen and get myself a can of 100plus and some sweets. Just some preparation IF I really am going to faint.

So that's that. I want to continue doing my PKK assignment. Daaa...

Tuesday, 30 March 2010



To study.

What are we worrying much about studying? Exam? Getting the degree?



That's that?

There are many things which effecting us being a student. Exam is the greatest one. What else? Assignments, presentations, homework.

Parents, friends, colleagues, love affairs.

Club activities, institute's activities, daily chores (termasuk tak ada air dan masalah kewangan).

Still, do the 'factors' above stop playing their part as soon as we finish our study?

No, problems and stress are continuous throughout our life.

I have an argument about this very thing.

Monday, 29 March 2010

Anggap Saja Ini Omelan

Anggerik tak ada air lagi. Kalau esok lusa tak ada air juga, aku nak balik rumahlah. Itu pun kalau tak jadi BIG.

Semalam sempat balik sekejap, angkut barang. Balik dengan Abang.

Fikir punya fikir, mengenang usia yang makin meningkat, jiwa pun dah macam tornado, nak sangat-sangat berumahtangga. Kuat sangat perasaan ni sekarang. But the main problem is money. I did some work, researching about the cost to hold a wedding ceremony. Not a small amount of money, for sure. And that's the only way to slow me down.

As Abang said yesterday, when the time comes, it will be much easier for both of us. So I said to myself: stop worrying, and in the mean time, we can still do something, keep doing our daily job, collect money, try to be in good relation between my parents and his, and keep smiling.

Yes, when the time comes, it will be much easier than now.

Okay, stop about that.
I am doing my PKK presentation. About cognitive theories from Piaget, Vygotsky and Chomsky. So far, I already done for the first two. I still have no idea about what Chomsky did, there is none in the reference book talking about him or any of his theories. I need to search in the internet much further. Ahh, life is better without this kind of thing. Nahhh, problems help us to be more independent and turn us to be someone who is confident in facing the world.

Anyone wants to help?

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Window Shopping

Ke Kota Bharu. Naik bas.

Kami ke Pasar Siti Khadijah. Not as what I expected, but still great. I didn't manage to have a snap (tangan penuh dengan barang shopping). But I almost satisfy with what I bought, and all are beautiful. Yet, I really love batik silk and songket but as they are so expensive, I just keep that feeling inside. Maybe someday. Ahh, not for me. For some person that I fancy to entertain.

For some person who know me, my window shopping always turns out to be a real shopping. Well, I bought 3 kain pasangs, 2 kain pelekats and 2 tudungs with total price of RM 121. It's reasonable, and can be considered cheap, because if you buy the same thing in my hometown, you might be charged at least RM 300. So, I'm quite happy with the goods and the price. Ahh, dah lama tak shopping macam ni.

So, nak balik maktab dah!! And BIG. How I hate physical activity. It will be very hot and dry and tired, and I don't think I can stay long. Well, maybe I can if the activity is just for one day. But three days? Emm......

Am repeating all the things I've been writing before. Next, will be loads of typing, the due date is in two weeks time and we got around 4 - 6 assignments and reports to do, plus the BIG assignment. Gila!

Friday, 26 March 2010

Mahu Pulang Ke Daerah Kuala Lipis

Still not packing. Still got one day. Today passes too fast to know what is actually happen around.

It is still early. 9.30 pm. Maybe a good time to get to bed.

P/S : I feel happy right now.

Refleksi Diri

Sesi refleksi diri, juga pengenalan sedikit sebanyak tentang aku, dulu dan sekarang.

Semalam aku mengingat-ingat, ke mana aku dah letak subang gelung yang tak perlu tindik kalau nak pakai tu. I used to wear a pair pada sebelah telinga sahaja, di bahagian tepi. What else eh? I also used to wear rantai hitam dengan loket tulang ikan (latest one is gigi tiger shark I bought at Dan-Yr-Ogof). Ahhh, jeans koyak dan t-shirt lusuh. Kadang-kadang short dress.

Then, I think I am more cheerful than before. But still tak ambil kisah sangat pasal orang lain dan suka menyendiri. Tapi sudah rasa bersemangat untuk hidup. Sesuatu yang aku rasa merupakan nikmat hidup yang tak terhingga yang pernah aku dapat. Pencarian bertahun lamanya; tersiksa, berendam air mata, putus asa dengan hidup, cubaan bunuh diri, menyiksa diri, buruk sangka dengan orang, rasa diri terlalu hina hingga rasa tak layak untuk hidup pun, rasa diri tak diperlukan dan macam-macam lagi perasaan negatif; kini hilang sebanyak 99%. Well, perasaan itu datang juga bila emosi tak stabil. But really, aku rasa sangat tenang sekarang berbanding dulu.

Dan aku juga dapat kurangkan merokok ke tahap yang sangat membanggakan. Never thought I can change this much.

Berpuas hati? Yepppp!! Oh, tidaklah berbangga dengan apa yang dicapai sekarang. Ada terasa seperti kehilangan identiti. Tapi apalah yang penting dengan identiti kalau jiwa tak tenang. APALAH GUNA HARTA BERTIMBUN KALAU TAK BAHAGIA.

Okay, semalam ada orang Belfast mengomel 'Kawin tak ajak!!'
He told me someone told him that aku dah kahwin bulan 1 baru ni. I hope that is a reality, but no, aku tak kahwin lagi.
Oh, bukan nak war-warkan yang aku single. No, aku tak single. I just.... not married yet.

Jiwa Sentimental Belum Habis

Sentimental dan mental. Dua perkara yang berbeza (^_^). Tapi bersatu dikala saat AKU sedang bersentimental.

Ini entri mengarut dan tak penting (since when I write important things?).

Right, tomorrow will go picnic. Then the next day will receive some guests, before going to KB to do shopping!! Okay, I nak beli baju, kasut, kasut, kasut, handbag, handbag, tudung, baju lagi, baju lagi, tudung, tudung... (and the list go on).

Gurau aje. Tak sampai sejam, pengsan la aku. Mana larat nak shopping dah.

Kami bertiga malam ni tak buat kerja. Masing-masing update blog, usha FB, tengok perkembangan orang lain. Masing-masing macam tak nak balik dah, nak kerja terus.

Ohhhoooo, melampau dak kalau aku kata aku emosional sebab dengar lagu?

Sebab tu aku kata sentimental dan mental tu bergabung jadi satu bila melibatkan aku.

Thursday, 25 March 2010

For The Last Time

Today is the last day. And in these 5 days, I always got to relief the last classes. And we (me, Kimah and Sya) always got this one class, which is the worst class in the whole school. Still, I feel that that class is the best. They are the best teachers to me.

And today, we got to relief from after recess to 3 pm. And for my last class, there were just two students. The rest went back, skipping class. A bit disappointed, because I hope to see this one student, should I say, my favourite one. But on the other hand, teaching two students in the last class of the batch is like heaven. You'll never feel that kind of peace if the register is full.

So, that's that. And I did think I don't want to go back to maktab. Ahhhh, kelas ganti menanti. And I already feel happy going to work everyday, even most of the time I want PBS to finish early. I feel lost, now. I'll miss the kids, the naughtiness of class 4N students especially. It's such a wonderful experience.

I have such a good time in SK Hamzah 2. Well, let be it is among the best school in Kelantan. I never have any opportunity to meet up with the best class or the best students anyway. And during 3 out of 5 days in here, I were sick. It is still one of my best experience in life. My first time in school. (^_^)

Wednesday, 24 March 2010


Rasa seperti kehilangan sesuatu. Rasa hati tersentuh, oleh sesuatu. Tapi entah apa. Rasa sedih, rindu dan sunyi.

Emosional eh? Seems I am.

Feel like going back to memories, where the time that passed brings such a lonely feeling. As remembering someone who died where we both got such a good time together, once.


Tuesday, 23 March 2010

An Update

Just having chat with Ijun. Miss you all very much, and hope to see you soon. Hampir semua nak grad kan, so nanti visit me at Lipis okay!!

Right, I am doing PBS this week, and it is already the middle of the week. At first, I felt very......annoying of going to school and do the assignment tasks and relief classes. Well, understand me first. What is your feeling when you got to look out at the last class of the batch, with another 5 teachers, and all the kids are out of control? Surely you will at least feel regret to choose teaching. But in the end, when we finally got along, it was fun. Not that they listen to you, but it seems that you already formed a bond between you and the kids, and it is beautiful. And today, I was laughed at as I shouted to shut their mouth off. I am too cute to be strict. No, too puny. Maybe they think I am 5 or 6 years above them. (^_^)

So, we finished 4 out of 5 tasks. Need to do a lot of typing for the next two weeks. Nonetheless, we stick to our schedule and got cooperation from the teachers. Actually, Kimah and Sya did most of the work. I was sick for two days, and I am a bit busy today; hope it's a good excuse.

About Sya's family. They are warm. Really. Sya's ma cooks a lot. And very funny and happy-go-lucky; like Sya. And her younger sister too, Farah. We got fun together. Well, minus me. I always in the room, sleeping. As I said, I was sick, and I sleep a lot. That last bit is a fact.

We will have visitors from Tumpat this Saturday. (^_^)

Ahhhaaa, guess I need to upload some photos. Check my fb page.


No update so far. The reasons are, WE were busy. And second is, me myself am not feeling well, today is the worst.

Sunday, 21 March 2010

Nighty Nite ~~

So, it is night already. Need to get up early, will go to school at 6.40. And Sya already reminded me 'kalau lambat, tinggal!'. That's her dad's policy, and he's the one who will take us to school, so kalau lambat, tinggal!!

I just hope, 6 days to pass as soon as possible. And let BIG pass as soon as possible too. I want to have a relax weekend. Maybe spend time with my family, or Abang. He told me, he was doing extra overtime today. Ha!! Maybe he is worried as I told him some guy asked me seriously to 'be friends' with me. Siapa tak sayang bini oiii.. oh, bakal bini.

As I think over again, 6 - 7 years passed so quickly now I think it is time for me to have my own family. So, another 2 or 3 years will not be a big deal, hopefully. I just jealous with some most of my friends, they easily go through their degree and then get married, even before they finish their degree. Well, different people have different challenges in life. So this is mine.

Okay, out of that for a moment. I am supposed to do the draft for FPM, but it's late, and no one will be fresh reading about Malaysian history, about how Falsafah Pendidikan Kebangsaan was made, the tragedy causing it to be made, etc. I was reading about 13 May tragedy (after about 'Malaysian Malaysia'), and I am dead sleepy now.

So, nighty nite everyone. Have a nice day!

Saturday, 20 March 2010

I Feel Reaaaaaaally Full

Sya's mom is very good at cooking. Well, she cooks a lot. And the family is warm as ever. But I still feel I shouldn't come here, I prefer being home. Yeah, anywhere you are, home is still the best.

I planned to go back home on Friday, but seems I have to cancel that, might be going back on Sunday, to Maktab, before I go home and take my things which are still at home. Not a problem though, but need to go to bed as soon as I reach Maktab later that night. Still got Encik Nizam who will patiently drive me to here and there, anywhere that I wish. Really a big help.

So, tomorrow will be the first day at school. Got no idea what to do first, haven't discuss yet. Well, I think I should continue making the draft.

Good day!

Thursday, 18 March 2010


Langit kelabu petang ini
Mendongak, menanti hujan turun
Namun tak turun juga
Langit merajuk.

Langit kelabu petang ini
Aku mendongak, memandang ke langit
Menanti hujan turun
Namun tak turun juga
Aku merajuk.

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

What Do You Feel......

Now? Stress!!!

I was doing FPM draft for PBS, and it sucks!!

Well, should use much polite word, but that really portrays that thing. Well, as I looked at the leaflet given, seems there are too much things to cover at school. For example, other than recording the responsibilities of the administers at the school, we also need to check the facilities at the school, for example library, field, labs, etc. Also, to check (and sketch) the school organisation, the school plan, mural, quotes, classrooms, curriculum and co-curriculum, teachers' record books etc.

Well, as a teacher-to-be, I need to know these kind of things. But not that lot. I mean, I'm not a school regulator to check thus explain why this school has no computer lab, or not-much-equipped science lab. I think the tasks are a bit out of bound, but nonetheless, need to be done.

This entry is just about complaining of the tasks for coming PBS. Well, this is my first time. Never have any idea that teachers need to do this kind of thing to be a teacher. Seriously, when I did my degree, all was about studying about mechanics, electromagnetism, dynamics, astrophysics, waves; all about studying (and for me, worth knowing). But when I go to IPG, I learn about children psychology, how to teach children, Falsafah Pendidikan Negara, Perkembangan Kanak-Kanak; all are totally different from what I've been through before. Well, all are worth learning too; you might not know how to understand much about teaching if you don't know all these. But I can say, it's a bit shocking for me. I've been in a totally different world now.

Teacher is no easy job. Seriously. Sometimes, I do regret getting this job. I prefer being a geek, all time with books, need not to care much about applying them except on exam papers. But the reality is, there's no way back. Well, it's still okay. I still can go on with my life. I just need a bit more time to adjust myself.

When's the exam eh?

Tuesday, 16 March 2010


Dah lama berlalu, Januari 2010. Sekarang dah pertengahan Mac. Dan rasa sedikit terfikir, teruja, terkejut, ter... apa-apa sajalah, bila melihat perkembangan rakan-rakan. Seems that it was so long ago, since I finished school, finished my A-level, went to Cardiff and experiencing many types of things. It was just some years ago. Some good years ago.

Sepatutnya, peningkatan usia harus selaras dengan kematangan kita. Sepanjang usia kita, belajar mengenai segalanya, yang tersurat, yang tersirat; realiti dunia tak memampangkan dirinya untuk kita ketahui apa yang sebenarnya berlaku. Tapi kita kena cari, kena fahami, ambil pengajaran dan elakkan apa yang patut kita elakkan.

At first, I thought I was not okay for not having much desire to eat or having favourite food, or to get a good job, or dreaming of having a certain type of man to be a husband, or certain type of car or dream house, not have much desire to get more money than everybody else does, not having desire of travelling when I had the opportunity and money, not trying to get the best things in the world, to get the most desirable things which some people even making them the target of their life.

All of the thing, I just want a quite life. And that's all. And that thing that I want most, I never get it. And the things that I don't really care did come over my face and I just let it slipped away.

How fascinating.

And as I got older, I think back about myself, I believe that whatever other people wants, got nothing to do with me.

I do remember, someone told me that I am 'qualified' to marry a doctor, at least, as I have good education, good brain and I'm not that bad looking; but I refused, and stepped down.

And some people told me, that I am supposed to dream to have big cars, big house, with a maid, and I do not need to work hard; just relax and let people do the work for me, cause I have money. So, the main point is to get rich, and you can be like a king.

Some people even suggest, 'kejayaan di dunia', as we all said in our prayers daily, is about what I said above.

Most people got it wrong. I know it is wrong.

Seems like I'm accusing people. Not really. It depends on what you want to do, what you want to have in your life. Life is never a bed of roses. It will never be.

As we are all going out of our comfort zone, don't let yourself strangled with the wants of others. Let it just be you, what you want to be, what you would like your life to be, and work that out. You need not to be trendy, or ought to do what you 'suppose' to do; we need not to follow the pattern all the time. We got brain, we can think; we have feeling, we can feel.

Sesungguhnya aku tinggalkan kepada kamu dua perkara, yang sekiranya kamu berpegang teguh dan mengikuti kedua-duanya, nescaya kamu tidak akan tersesat selama-lamanya...

Hijrahkanlah Diri Ini

Melihat langit luas
Meremang senja jingga
Jari mengira sisa masa
Yang masih berbaki
Dikaki langit.

Di bawah pohon ini aku berteleku
Merenung pintas peristiwa berlalu
Tunduk sesekali menyesali diri
Dosa-dosa yang bertimbun
Tak terdaya aku menanggung.

Masa itu makin hampir
Menghampiri aku yang tua
Tua dimamah dunia
Masa itu telah tiba.

Hilangnya aku nanti
Akhirnya episod hidup ini
Mulanya episod kisah baru
Untuk dunia kekal abadi.

Panasnya bahang membakar
Bukan tandingan api dunia
Kini menitis air mata
Dek dosa yang bertimbun
Tak terdaya aku menanggung.

Sunday, 14 March 2010

Dull Day

As I was having less motivation on doing the work, I stayed up late and finishing the Harry Potter books. Now on the last book, and I feel more than happy for it to finish.

I am having difficulties in during Science tutorial which is about photosynthesis, and since I have none Biology reference book, it was kind of hell to figure it out me-self. Well, I can grasp the basic concepts out of each topic, but not to the details, so that's what complicate things. How I wish to continue to Chemistry, even not the one that I like, but prefer to learn.

Still, my cousin is at home, happen to be a guy. And as nowadays, day and night is about the same temperature, hot! That's what causing me to be in the room almost all the time, and go down just to go to the toilet or eat. Not a problem though, it's just, I can't bear to properly dressed in my own house 24/7.

Saturday, 13 March 2010

And It Begins

Told ya, life at home is much easier, even not really bring peace at mind. You got food ready in front of you; need not to get out of the room and do the cooking, deeply involve in the workloads you got. And, even if your laundry is a heap of mountain already, you don't have to worry much because in a day or two, everything will be in your drawer nicely folded.

That's what you get if you're not married yet.

So, I am enjoying my single life right now.


Time to read and do work, I guess. This coming 3 to 4 weeks will be in such a hell. Hopefully it will not.

Friday, 12 March 2010

Bored and Angry

Thought need someone to talk to. I feel very angry, bored, not to ignore much, my heart seems to explode in rage.

The task is simple, but someone did make it complicated.

Need not to complain much though. Someone might need a very clear and organised way of doing things. Me myself prefer doing things simple.

That is why it is difficult for me to live within people. Still have lots of things to learn to adapt.

Still, I don't feel I am okay, in the meantime.

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

Lots To Have

I was browsing over the life these few weeks since Chinese New Year's holiday. As I said before, non-productive. I found out I have less affection in music, than what I was before. Also, I not really concentrate on my blog, my laptop, in short: my usual daily life. Still got to get into the present life.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Not Very Good, Isn't It?

I am talking about me-self. Several weeks (a month maybe), I've been involving in a very non-productive life. Sleeps all time, not really have heart of studying and doing homework, and should I say, a step away of awareness each day to fulfil myself as a devoted Muslim. How......... pity, arrogant, shame, ignorance, stupid, forgetful, idiot, ___________ (fill in the blank)

So, most the time for a break. Going home and please follow the plan that has been planned. Exam is going to be in a month or so, so as YOU (am referring to me-self) is not really get into the subjects yet, plus the exam format, plus lack of motivation of finishing the exam questions as long as YOU can get out of the hall at the first one hour, PLEASE STUDY.

I refused any activities during the holiday. It is the only time to do the drafts for SBE, do the homework, read and write notes. Not that I am worry I might not do well on exam or keeping good grade of myself, but it is more to worry to my attitude of not considering going to class anymore. Everyday is such a damn day, stuck in here. I would prefer living outside, and do stuffs I consider I want to do and are the best for me. Or maybe, just stop studying and go out find a job. I can get good job (even not a professional one) with my SPM result.

Life is not going to be right, once again. I got request of my lifetime, and I know it is not to be fulfil yet, in the meantime. But, considering all the best have been arranged by Allah, should or should not, I must be patient and try the best to fix myself before the pull stop is there in front of me.

I might talk nonsense, as no one knows what actually happen inside me, put aside The All-Knowing. So, I consider not to be angry or any sort of thing if someone happened to hate or loath me, or even saying I am ignorance or nuts. Not at all. I'm used to that kind of thing, and I realised that I am going to be at the state of my own-self that I used to be before. But, I'll try not to do stupid things in front of any of you.

Monday, 8 March 2010


1.57 AM.

I'm not planning to sleep tonight. Still got work to do. Am sleepy and dead tired though. How can I do work if I can't concentrate? But, if I sleep (rest), I can never wake up early and continue the work. What choice do I have? Ahhh, what about 'assuming' that I already completed the work and just print whatever is typed? I like that idea so much. I don't really care about getting high mark. Just enough is enough for me. (Ayat orang malas + dah jemu pergi kelas sebab dah rasa sepatutnya bekerja dan menjaga anak dan suami)

Well, my fault actually. I went home early this morning, hoping that I can meet Angah before he went back to his camp at PD, or Seremban, whichever. But UNFORTUNATELY, he went back by 9 o'clock bus, the same time I went out from maktab. Pity me, for a while. Abah said he's going to be placed at the military camp at Bentong. HaHa!! Seems that Mak need not to worry much as her beloved children will be near to her.
So, I went home, took my printer, and my nametag, and another two Harry Potter books.

After that I followed Abang to Mentakab. We went to his sister's house (Kakde), eat lunch, put my printer there for a while, and went to a car wash shop to wash Abang's car which is already half coated with mud and dust. I waited for more than three hours for the wash. It was very hot. I was sleepy and tired but I can't sleep, it was damn hot. I just sit on the sofa and read one of the books I brought. It was 5.30 when it finished.

After that went back to Kakde's house, and went back to Lipis.

So, that is how I spent my weekend, at a car wash shop. It was VERY FUN.

I want to sleep. Seems that I'm going to take my only option. ;D

Friday, 5 March 2010


A fun morning, I should say. With the aerobics. Fun songs, and steps, and air. Not so hot as it usually is.

I passed out half way during the cross-country. A bit embarrassing actually. Because I don't even run. I just walk.

A good evident in showing I am becoming more and more weaker. I hate this.

Then I spent my afternoon wondering in bed, reading Harry Potter. After three hours sleep, I feel a bit refresh. No longer feel nauseous, and the thump on my head disappear.

So, now I am trying to edit my TITAS essay. After that, maybe a round or two at pasar malam. I've been dying to eat fried chicken and fries and some nuggets or fish balls maybe. I just feeling I want to have Western food right now. Not pizza, I hate pizza. Wish this place got a kitchen where I can fix my own supper. Always feel hungry at midnight.

Angah's at home now, he got two days off. And after that he'll start his work, will be sent somewhere in the country. Might not see him much after this. Bear also coming home, Angah fetch her at her college just now. It's not fair. They'll spend their weekend together and I'm here. Maybe I can force them to come here and visit me. It's just an hour from home.

Now it's 7 o'clock. I need to text Bear to come here. Maybe I can bribe them with KFC. Hehe... (^_^)

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

CISS External Tank

I'm going to have a new printer. A Canon. Love Canon so much.

Not 3 in 1 though; printer alone is cheaper, and smaller in size (I've lots of thing on me table).

So, hope there will be no problem (or less) about printing and money of course.

Need to do the budget again.

Am going home this Sunday, for a while. Just to fetch the printer, and the cassettes. Or maybe buy a radio.

That is why I need to do the budget again.

Monday, 1 March 2010

Nak Radio (^_^)

So my stuffs arrived, and I already unpacked them, and I brought some here. Sadly (should I use that word eh?), I forgot to bring my cassettes and cds. They are all in a printer box, 3/4 of the box should I say. But, thinking back, the car was full back then. Plus, I don't even have a cassette player yet, and to go out and buy one, my beloved driver works evening shift this week, and next week will be the mid-term holiday. So, I've to reserve the radio for another three weeks.

So, after the holiday, I have this thing called School-Based Experience, where I need to go to a primary school, which is already being chose by my group, for a week, to observe how teachers in that school apply the 'Falsafah Pendidikan Negara', observe how the school works out, how the teachers teach, etc. And two weeks has been allocated for us to write a report based on our observation and criteria that is mentioned in the manual book.

Right, I slept this evening, not to attend the sport practice, since I was very sleepy due to 3 hours sleep yesterday. I woke up at 9 after hundreds of time Ija tried to wake me up, calling my names. Well, it is never being easy to wake me up. So, that's the story for this evening. Tonight, I was thinking of doing pedagogy's tutorial, which I don't actually remember when's the due date; tomorrow or Tuesday next week. But nevertheless, not a wrong doing of finishing homework early right? Plus, I might have enough time to do some note typing or studying.