Not Very Good, Isn't It?

I am talking about me-self. Several weeks (a month maybe), I've been involving in a very non-productive life. Sleeps all time, not really have heart of studying and doing homework, and should I say, a step away of awareness each day to fulfil myself as a devoted Muslim. How......... pity, arrogant, shame, ignorance, stupid, forgetful, idiot, ___________ (fill in the blank)

So, most the time for a break. Going home and please follow the plan that has been planned. Exam is going to be in a month or so, so as YOU (am referring to me-self) is not really get into the subjects yet, plus the exam format, plus lack of motivation of finishing the exam questions as long as YOU can get out of the hall at the first one hour, PLEASE STUDY.

I refused any activities during the holiday. It is the only time to do the drafts for SBE, do the homework, read and write notes. Not that I am worry I might not do well on exam or keeping good grade of myself, but it is more to worry to my attitude of not considering going to class anymore. Everyday is such a damn day, stuck in here. I would prefer living outside, and do stuffs I consider I want to do and are the best for me. Or maybe, just stop studying and go out find a job. I can get good job (even not a professional one) with my SPM result.

Life is not going to be right, once again. I got request of my lifetime, and I know it is not to be fulfil yet, in the meantime. But, considering all the best have been arranged by Allah, should or should not, I must be patient and try the best to fix myself before the pull stop is there in front of me.

I might talk nonsense, as no one knows what actually happen inside me, put aside The All-Knowing. So, I consider not to be angry or any sort of thing if someone happened to hate or loath me, or even saying I am ignorance or nuts. Not at all. I'm used to that kind of thing, and I realised that I am going to be at the state of my own-self that I used to be before. But, I'll try not to do stupid things in front of any of you.