Wednesday 8 September 2010

Dead Tired

I think, this raya will be the most....complete that I ever had, and I hope it will be the greatest until I can feel so happy celebrating it.

Before this, I don't even feel I want to celebrate. What is the happiness in there if you have to work hard for a month at the bazar, plus preparing lots of food, ironing all the clothes until 4 in the morning, and end up with black eyes because of the tiredness and lack of sleep?

Even when I was in UK, I don't have much enthusiasm to celebrate it. Nothing good comes out of it. Quarreling over things, misunderstood, etc; how can I feel that it is a celebration of joy? Thankful for what? Hate?

But today, I realised. Without the ones we love, or without having anyone to love, we cannot feel happy, the real happiness. Because our life is empty.

Today, I have my family, that now I love them so much, I just wish I can have this feeling years before, so I can be thankful for what I got. All these years of giving up, despair, losing hope for life; it is all because I feel my life is empty.

And I would like to say, I love you all; Mak, Abah, Angah, Bear, Dekli, Zakwan, Kecik. Because you all bear with me, these past 10 years, when I left you all, forget you all, blamed for my failure, made you all worried and cried and lots of pain I put you all through.

Today, I feel that I am a part of our family. And please let it be, forever.

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