Pre-Exam

Rasa seronok jawab TITAS tadi, dan English pada minggu lepas. Seronok itu bukan kerana soalan mudah atau susah. Seronok kerana soalannya menarik.

Sesungguhnya aku sungguh tak suka homework semasa sebelum peperiksaan. Terasa macam satu bebanan yang tak sudah. Latihan dan homework berbeza. Latihan dibuat di kelas, siap pada waktu itu dan kemudian di hostel terserah nak buat apa sahaja. Homework, atau kerja rumah kena buat di hostel (atau di rumah).

Apa-apa pun, kerja 'last minute' begini agak membantu jika dibuat dalam suasana yang berlapang dada kerana kerja 'last minute' inilah yang kuat diingatan daripada perkara bertimbun-timbun yang dah dibaca sebelumnya.

Last minute study is good for certain people. But not all subjects. Sebagai contohnya, diri aku sendiri. Aku sangat lembab tahap gaban dalam bab menghafal. So, throughout my life, where my life before was about numbers, I only need to remember the formulae. And I didn't need to read much. I hate reading. Until now. But I read, whenever I have interest in that certain subjects, and if the subjects have no or less connection with the subject I took in class. And I rarely read novels. I usually read boring things; something that brings you knowledge when you read it.

So, today, when I realised all the subjects I take need reading, I was like...... argggghhhhhh!!! But, I feel funny. I like philosophy, and psychology, but then when I learn it formally in here, I cannot grasp even a thing. It is just too factual, and the work given are too schematic. It's like learning without having our heart learning it. It's like wasting time. Like the years I felt wasted when I was studying Physics and all the small components of it. I do realise I like Physics in some sort when it counters with numbers, but the core of it means nothing.

I really, really want to get good result. At least I pass. I am worry about myself. My brain was not as it was 5 years ago. It is going worst and worst. With headache I experience these days. Really, I am going old inside without anyone noticing. It is worrying when you fall sick and weak almost each day, you cannot comprehend much of what you read or others say to you, your sight sometimes going blur. I am worry of myself.

So, that is my pre-exam blues. Pathetic, isn't it?