Friday 16 July 2010

Extreme Thinking

I have lots of negative thoughts in mind. And I love to express the thoughts especially when I'm not okay, in vain, angry and other kind of negative feelings.

Yesterday, before she went back, Ija said these words to me 'jangan buat benda-benda pelik.'

No, you wont find any dead body in here, at least in here.

TAPI.....

I almost fainted yesterday while playing netball. As Puan Puziah said 'pucat sangat dah muka, biru-biru', and at the same time I felt my heart like to explode. I felt a mild pain, but something crossed my mind; heart failure.

I am afraid of dying. Well, who doesn't? But when I am not okay, I am pleasure-ly want to die. But when facing death, I am afraid. It made me feel stupid. So much.

Morale of the story; control the feeling. Even if we find it hard, try. Don't think about something bad. I have dreams, I want to live and get married and have children. I want to raise them to be good people, good Muslims, for Islam. And I have to correct myself for them. I have to be strong. I have to be positive. And I don't want to die when they really need me to be with them.

Tunggu ibu ye sayang....

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