What a weird title. Anyway, I am not in a good condition. I was totally okay and full of spirit minutes ago. It just come when it wants. Not that 'thing'. Just my old 'illness'. It is still in here, deep in heart, seems not easily fade away by the happiness that I have.
It is the feeling of hatred. The feeling of people hate and detest me. It always there. And when it comes, I always try to do stupid things. Some of them are a trial of burning a bed together with myself, also cut my hand or any part of my body. I always have this feeling that with my death, everything will be okay. PEOPLE WILL CHEER UP CELEBRATING MY DEATH. It really sounds stupid. And I know I am totally selfish by doing these sorts of thing.
No one is perfect dear. So as I. It was in here for years. I don't know how to chase it away. So far, not many understand. Not everyone have the same feeling as mine. Not everyone is helping, most of them blaming.
'Iman tak cukup kuat lagilah tu.' 'Mengada-ngada!!' 'Orang gila takkan cakap dia gila.'
It is easy for some people to say.
Did I ever write about this before?
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